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Help! How can I stop my wife chopping off our baby’s foreskin?

by 41 Comments

An Iranian father-to-be from London has written to insideMAN to ask for help stopping his wife circumcising their son. His letter to our readers is printed below. 

– This is article #96 in our series of #100Voices4Men and boys

Dear insideMAN Reader

Please can you help me?

I am an Iranian man living in London just days away from becoming a father for the first time.
I feel so special about his birth. I feel he is going to be a very precious gift to me. I can’t wait to see him and hold him tight in my arms. As a proud father I would like, to the best of my ability, to protect and nurture him and that includes protecting him from being circumcised.

Unfortunately, my wife disagrees with me and insists that she will have him circumcised just like her son (my step son) from her first marriage. I feel powerless and cannot sleep at night because of this issue. My wife will not listen to the reasons why I want to protect him from circumcision. I have tried to approach her from different angles but I keep hitting a brick wall.

So what can I do?

I come from a diverse family, my mum is an open-minded Muslim, my dad is an anti-religion atheist whose parents came to the UK from Iran in the 1970s, just before the Islamic revolution. I started living in the UK permanently myself 14 years ago and while people think of me as Muslim, because I was born in Iran, I am not. I am an atheist and only believe in balance and justice in the universe.

And now I need help to make sure my son gets the justice he deserves.

As parents I believe we should not stamp our religion, culture, tradition or opinions on our children without their consent. I find circumcision totally barbaric. I strongly believe circumcision trauma leaves a deep blueprint on the subconscious mind and soul of a baby. I believe that  human beings are born in a complete form of perfection. If there is a nose to breathe through or a pair of eyes to see, there is certainly a reason for the foreskin to be there. A boy’s penis is the very centre of his manhood, why would anyone want to mess with it and reduce it? I feel very strongly that we should ban circumcision, especially in Europe.

Sadly, for some strange reason, most Iranian women support male circumcision. A good friend of mine who is a highly educated lawyer, born to a Iranian family and raised in the UK, recently gave birth to a lovely little boy. I could not believe her strong views about circumcision. Her main concern was the beauty and the similarity of his penis to her husband! It seems Iranian women take the same approach to circumcision as they have to plastic surgery. They think it’s a nose job!

My mother also supports circumcision, even though she is a very open-minded, flexible, modern woman for her generation. She heard me trying to explain to my wife why I want to prevent our son from being circumcised and she told me afterwards that I should “give in gracefully and let her do it”!

My mum’s thinking is that my wife is going to do it anyway and there is a positive side to circumcision which, according to my mum is this—my baby’s willy will look the same as mine and my stepson’s and prevent any confusion he might feel in future if he compares his penis to ours!

I was so angry and frustrated at the same time, that I couldn’t stop laughing.

I said to her, ”Mum, how often do see me and my brothers and Dad sitting at a dinner table, comparing our bits with each other?” We are, of course, all circumcised. I have never questioned my parents about this because they did what they thought was right at the time. I don’t have strong feelings about being circumcised myself, as long as I can remember I have always been this way, but I have always wondered how it would feel it I wasn’t circumcised and I never heard of an uncircumcised man who wants to have it done.

But now I have the knowledge, I am conscious and I know the fact my father is against it too. I feel I must do everything I can to protect my son. I won’t have any issues if he decides to do it when his is older but that his decision to make, it’s his body and it’s his choice.

But my wife’s mind is made up. She is a Christian woman of Iranian background, so her reasons are not religious, I would say it’s more cultural and mainly cosmetic. She plans to have him circumcised in a private clinic in Harley Street. I cannot begin to describe how distressed I am about the whole thing. It’s almost taking away the excitement of having a baby and becoming a dad.

I am in desperate need of help and support. I’ve been in touch with the charity NORM UK and insideMAN magazine and I’m going to try the NHS too. I’d welcome support from any organisations or charities who understand my point of view and I’d like to know my legal rights as a father. I’d also like to hear from other parents who have been in a similar situation.

Please help me, I want to protect my son from circumcision before it’s too late.

— Picture Credit: Flickr/bgottsab

We have kept this father’s identity anonymous to protect the identity of his son. If you can offer help, advice and support please leave a message in the comment section or email us at insideMANeditor@gmail.com and we will forward your message to him. 

This article features in our crowdfunded book of men’s stories, to back the project click below:

  • zazindicoot

    1) First, bargain for time. “Hey, there’s no need to rush it, let’s not do it before he’s 1 year old, OK?” Say whatever it takes to get as much time as you can.

    2) Try to assemble some education materials and look up real experts who are dissenting on this topic. Look up “keratinization”. The effects of circumcision are actually very extreme. See if you can find a video of a circumcision being performed, it’s brutal and horrifying. Search engine is your friend.

    3) You may still fail to convince her and an all-out legal battle is probably unwise… so I will encourage you to research in parallel about doing a symbolic circumcision. This is where there is a cosmetic cut is made around the foreskin in order to form a tiny circular scar. This is far preferable to an actual amputation of the foreskin organ, as everything remains intact and functional.

    4) It seems you do not have a lot of bargaining power with your wife, so if option 3 fails, then your last option is to do your homework and find a doctor who performs “loose” circumcisions that leave as much of the foreskin intact as possible. This is still destructive of the foreskin tip which is the most nerve-dense part of the foreskin, but the more foreskin that is left in place, the fewer complications your son will have from the circumcision itself.

    In the future, it may become possible to perform foreskin regeneration using stem cells as they are doing for other organs with regenerative medicine… something I plan to do for my son if and when it becomes available and affordable… I unfortunately was not educated about this issue at the time of this birth and gave the green light for this grotesque, destructive and wholly unnecessary procedure to be performed.

    This is a serious issue and I strongly encourage you to fight hard for your son. The procedure is irreversible, like a tattoo or amputating a finger. Ask her how flippant she would be about having one of these procedures done on her child. Circumcision may *feel* different, but it’s not… in fact, it’s much worse because the affected organ is so sensitive and its function so important.

    • Inside MAN

      Thank you for that detailed response we will make sure the father in question sees it

  • Tim Alford

    I’ve just emailed the NSPCC about this. I know that, at the moment, the organization has a flagrantly hypocritical and misandrist stance on genital mutilation, but if enough people ‘bother’ them, maybe someone there will wake up.

    • Inside MAN

      Hi Tim

      Thanks for taking action we look forward to hearing the response

      • Tim Alford

        The response from NSPCC was predictably off-piste, recommending a family mediation service and a muslim womens’ resource group. That’s right, they see this case as nothing more than a family dispute, rather than than the threatened sexual violation of a minor. I of course replied, and shall go on bothering them, because, as I see it now, their fund-raising campaigns are fraudulent – Every baby does NOT matter, and they are not working to end violence towards, or exploitation of, ALL children. Simple as that.

        • http://JohnAllman.UK John Allman

          You should have worded your email to the NSPCC carefully, so as to avoid revealing the sex of the child. You should have referred to the genital mutilation of a child, not the circumcision of a baby boy.

          The NSPCC would have helped the father to obtain an emergency injunction, forbidding the genital mutilation of his unborn child that would serve its purpose equally well whether the child at risk of genital mutilation was born male or female.

          • Tim Alford

            Yes. Instead of sending them the direct link to this page, I should have outlined the situation in my own gender neutral words. I’ll remember that for next time . . .

  • Gaius Baltar

    Show her Ayaan Ali’s video comparing male circumcision to FGC. Stall for time, and if that doesn’t work get the child away from her.

    • Inside MAN

      Thanks for taking time to comment and remind us of Ayaan’s video

  • Gaius Baltar

    And if she still cuts him, never show her any affection again and do NOT sleep with her again.

  • Nigel

    There tends to be confusion about consent to treatment. As the boy’s father you should make clear to the clinician that you object. Though consent to treatment for children is a little muddy the responsibility for being clear that the treatment is necessary and the appropriate person has consented in the best interest of the child rests with the performing clinician. If you rattle the doctor he may be put off doing this as there is clearly no strong medical reason.

  • Pingback: An Iranian man in London is trying to stop his wife having their baby son circumcised | Justice for men & boys()

  • http://redpilluk.co.uk/ William Collins

    I would ask the wife to study the material on CIRP and NOCIRC, and this survey. If she is unmoved, try approaching the matter from the perspective of the child’s human rights. Does she think she is the child’s owner or his carer? Ask her again why she is so keen on a surgical operation which has no medical requirement. If the answer is merely cosmetic, ask why she thinks this is more important than your evidently very strong feelings – especially since the procedure could be done later in life anyway. If all this fails, then make sure you put in writing to all the clinics where the child may be taken that you are refusing your consent. You could allude to legal action if your wishes are ignored (which may or may not be bluff, I don’t know). All that aside, I cannot see this poor man having a very happy life with this selfish woman.

  • http://JohnAllman.UK John Allman

    Seek legal advice.

    Draft pleadings that do not reveal the unborn child’s sex. Seek, ex parte, an emergency injunction. Do not ask for an emergency injunction forbidding your son’s circumcision. Ask for an emergency injunction forbidding your child’s genital mutilation.

    If the court asks whether the child is a boy or a girl, say that the child is not born yet, but the mother has made it clear that she may have the child’s genitals mutilated after his or her birth, and that it makes no difference what sex the child is, to the legal issues your application raises, because of Article 14 of the Convention, which forbids sex discrimination, so the court must not discriminate, and could only be asking what the child’s sex was in order to be able to discriminate..

    (The person who contacted the NSPCC should have used that technique.)

    Act immediately.

    You are entitled to use reasonable force to defend your son from his mother, if his mother is about to harm your son.

  • http://www.nocirc.org Marilyn Milos, RN

    When this mother realizes the pain, trauma, and lifelong harmful consequences of circumcision, she will have to face the horror of what she allowed for her first son. That’s why you keep hitting the brick wall. She doesn’t want to believe that circumcision is wrong and that she made a mistake. Be gentle but firm. Tell her that circumcision isn’t required by the Quran, tell her the important functions of the foreskin-protective, immunological, sensual, and sexual, explain that we now know the harm of genital cutting and the importance of children’s rights-leaving the decision up to the person who must live with the consequences when he’s old enough to make a personal choice for himself, and that, although her first son was circumcised, the mistake doesn’t need to be repeated. When we know better, we do better. And, finally, if education doesn’t work, perhaps a restraining order to ensure your son’s safety will. Good for you for wanting to protect your son, and good luck with your efforts! Your son is depending upon you!

  • John

    I am neither pro- nor anti- circumcision, and it certainly seems that the very least you spouse could do is agree to appropriate anesthesia if the procedure is to be done. But I also must ask: is this about circumcision entirely, or about issues of communication and control? Those who advise power plays and cutting off communication between you and your wife are setting you up for lifelong misery. Perhaps some third-party help from a neutral counselor to work on how you solve areas of disagreement, now and in the future, would be helpful. A bad parental relationship has potential to do your son far greater harm than any physical trauma.

  • http://JohnAllman.UK John Allman

    The father could pretend to go along with the plan, attend the Harley Street appointment with mother and son, but then refuse to sign the consent form, and be willing to use reasonable force to defend the child from the mother and the surgeon who intended to perpetrate the assault on the boy.

    • Inside MAN

      We would counsel any parent considering using force to prevent a circumcision to take legal advice on what might constitute “reasonable force” in this situation first.

      Also, in terms of maintaining a good relationship with the mother or father of your child, lying to them (eg pretending to “go along with the plan” or indeed saying you won’t circumcise a child and the doing it anyway) can only damage the parental relationship which can only have a negative impact on the child.

      This is an en exceptionally difficult position for a mother or father (in this case) to be in, where the dissenting parent is faced with the challenge of preventing a course of action in the short term while seeking to maintain the best possible relationship with the other parent in the process.

      Both actions and outcomes are important to the welfare of the child and we hope the father this case can find a course of action that prevents circumcision and enables the parents to maintain a good relationship that benefits their son in the long term

  • Sandra

    Christians aren’t supposed to circumcise. There are several passages in the New Testament which speak against circumcision.
    Also, like you said, no one will be comparing penises. Caring for an intact penis is much easier and far less worrisome than caring for a bleeding wound in a diaper. There are many very common complications that affect far too many babies, for this to ever be a good idea… and that’s only considering the immediate concerns. It could cause painful or even impossible sex later in life for him, as too much skin is often taken, or he can’t enjoy sex because the frenulum is removed and there’s no sensitivity left. Does she want grandchildren some day? She is risking his ability to reproduce. She’s also risking his LIFE because many babies die from complications of circumcision, every year, even when done in hospitals by skilled practitioners.
    Is her selfish ignorance really worth more than her son’s life?

  • zazindicoot

    “bad parental relationship has potential to do your son far greater harm than any physical trauma.”

    This is obviously incorrect. “Any physical trauma” would include amputating both arms and both legs. Clearly, this is worse than growing up with parents fighting legally, which is actually quite common in life nowadays. I agree that OP should be very hesitant to deploy legal measures because this is somewhere between difficult and impossible to deescalate from – if UK law is anything like US law – and will almost certainly result in divorce. Circumcision is a majorly debilitating operation that destroys several natural functions of the penis. Because a male is born with just one penis but has 10 fingers, it would be better to amputate part of a finger than part of the penis.

    How would society look on ritual male finger amputation at birth, I wonder? Is this just a little physical trauma? “Oh, yeah, we just snip some of his little finger right off at the tip, it’s no big deal, really, he doesn’t need the tip of his finger anyway, it serves no function, and just makes him unattractive and unclean.” Amputation of the foreskin is irreversible and circumcision – male genital mutilation – is a practice that has somehow held on into the modern era from a time and place where ritual human sacrifice (search “Molech”) was still not completely eradicated.

    Circumcision is barbaric, plain and simple. Every other holdover from caveman-morality religious beliefs and behaviors has had to adapt to advances in ethical enlightenment – you can believe in witches, but you can’t burn them, and so on. It’s high time for male genital mutilation to make the same transition – if your religious has some strong belief about ritual MGM, fine, then perform a *ritual* incision, do not amputate. To “circumcise” is to “cut around”… so make a cut around the foreskin but leave it intact.

  • http://www.thecircumcisionlawyer.com David Llewellyn

    There are several things he can do. First, if he knows the clinic his wife will use he should notify the head of it in writing that he forbids the circumcision of his son and will sue the clinic and the operator if it is done without his permission. That usually stops it, at least here in the U.S. He can also seek legal advice from a solicitor and bring an injunctive action to prevent the wife from consenting. I am not an English lawyer so I don’t know the English procedure, but he should consult a solicitor for advice, perhaps one specializing in family law. The can also contact NORM-UK and Genital Autonomy for advice.

  • http://JohnAllman.UK John Allman

    I’ve had another idea.

    What this man could do, or some variation of it, would be to ask a woman working for him, undercover, to contact various feminist organisations, pretending that she is about to give birth to a little girl, and that the child’s father is threatening to have female genital mutilation performed on the little girl soon after birth, against the mother’s wishes. “Can you help me to draft an ex parte application, to the right court, for an emergency injunction that will stop the father from paying a non-NHS backstreet doctor to mutilate his daughter’s genitals against my wishes?”

    Get a copy of the application that the solicitor, paid for by the feminist organisation, drafts. Copy it, and amend it either to disguise the gender of the baby at risk of genital mutilation, and which parent wants to prevent this (e.g. change “daughter” to “child”. “father” to “parent one” and “mother” to parent two”), or just to change the parties’ sexes. Then file the application as a litigant in person. The woman accomplice should then tell the solicitor that she no longer wishes to go ahead with the application for an emergency injunction.

    If the court discovers, or the application makes this clear, that the shoe is on the other foot, simply draw the court’s attention to its duty to interpret legislation consistently with the Convention, and to act consistently with the Convention rights of applicants for legal remedies. If there is a law that would procure an immediate injunction for a mother whose daughter’s genitals the father wanted mutilated, then, in then light of the Human Rights Act, that law has to be interpreted so as to provide an immediate injunction for a father whose son’s genitals the mother wants mutilated.

    Serve the resultant injunction on the mother. Game over.

    • Inside MAN

      Hi John

      One of the major gender inequalities in uk law is that boys and girls are treated differently in relation to circumcision. It is a criminal act to allows girl to be circumcised but it only becomes a criminal act to circumcise a boy if the court has first issued a prohibitive steps order order or a specific issue order ruling against circumcision.

      The father in this case can apply to court and the court could rule either way. They could rule for circumcision or against circumcision. This cannot happen for girls as circumcision is illegal for girls I’m the uk

      • http://JohnAllman.UK John Allman

        That it is not a crime to circumcise a boy, doesn’t necessarily prevent an applicant from obtaining an injunction. One mechanism for seeking an injunction would be seeking a prohibited steps order by making a Children Act application, I agree. In the case of an irreversible prohibited step like circumcision, I am guessing that it would be possible to obtain an emergency interim order ex parte, pending a hearing. It may be that that would be a appropriate route to take.

        However, I was thinking that there might be another method, which sidestepped the Children Act altogether. The problem with the Children Act, is that all proceedings are held in secret. There would be no opportunity for members of the public to watch the proceedings, or for the press to cover the proceedings. This would deprive the proceedings of their potential *political* value, and would also deprive the judge of the awareness that he was being watched.

        I am presently suing Cornwall Council under the Human Rights Act, over the child safeguarding activities that were (I say) incompatible with my convention rights. I *could* have tried to raise my complaint as a side issue of earlier private family law proceedings, held in a secret court, but I chose not to do so, preferring this different way of airing my grievances. As a result, I had with me in court recently, a friend, a representative of my church, a newspaper reporter, a representative of Christian Voice and four colleagues from Families Need Fathers, none of whom would have been allowed in a court hearing a Children Act application.

        I would advise finding another way of bringing legal action, that would not leave this father all alone in a secret court.

        However, since neither parent belongs to a faith community that practises male genital mutilation for religious reasons, and there is no medical reason for circumcision (so far as we know yet), even applying for a prohibited steps order ought to succeed, but for gender bias towards the mere whims of mothers, in the face of cogent opposition from fathers, of surgery that serves no religious or medical purpose.

        • Inside MAN

          “I would advise finding another way of bringing legal action, that would not leave this father all alone in a secret court.”

          Thanks John

          No legal route guarantees success but there are precedents in uk family law of parents being prevented from circumcising their sons through the family courts.

          We are not aware of any other legal route working and on that basis we would recommend that any parent in this situation who seeks legal remedy to try an approach that has worked before. If you or anyone else knows of another legal approach that has worked in the uk we would like to know about it.

          Good luck with you case and thanks for you suggestions

        • http://www.farreach.org B. Maurene White

          Very useful to know the UK versions of injunctions etc

  • CitymanMichael

    If I were this man, my first option would be to write to every clinic in the UK giving them full details and threaten legal action against them if they circumcised my son. Also any hospital your wife may go to and anyone else who may perform the operation. You should be able to get a list of doctors from people within your community.

    Legal action may be of no avail – but simply threatening it might stop some doctors.

    You might also want to talk to a solicitor.

    You could also try to convert your wife – which is the best plan. There are some videos on YouTube of babies being circumcised, I believe and there are many blogs about circumcision, some by men who were circumcised – search them all and try to get your wife to look at the videos or read the blogs

    Best luck in your endeavour.

  • http://www.councilofbritain.jimdo.com/issues PJ

    It’s actually ILLEGAL under UK law to circumcise without consent of BOTH parents. Any clinic that did this would be liable to a lawsuit of unlimited damages. In UK law, case law creates precedents that are followed by other courts. In Re J (child’s religious upbringing and circumcision) [2000] 1 FCR 307, it was established that a parent could not have their child circumcised if only one parent gave consent.

    Additionally, circumcision is anti-Christian. Your wife needs to read the New Testament, specifically scriptures Acts 15:1-11 (‘a yoke which neither our fathers nor we were able to bear’), Galatians 5:2 (‘Mark my words! I, Paul, tell you that if you let yourselves be circumcised, Christ will be of no value to you at all’), Philippians 3:2 (‘Watch out for those dogs, those evildoers, those mutilators of the flesh’), and Titus 1:10-11 (‘For there are many unruly and vain talkers and deceivers, specially they of the circumcision: Whose mouths must be stopped, who subvert whole houses, teaching things which they ought not, for filthy lucre’s sake.’).

    • Inside MAN

      We are not legal experts and our understanding is there is no UK law specifying that it is illegal to circumcise without consent of both parents (though the matter is touched upon in case law).

      Firstly it isn’t parents who have consent, but adults with parental responsibility (PR)—-while all mums automatically have PR all dads don’t (PR is given automatically to married dads and to unmarried dads if/when they sign the birth certificate OR when a court awards them PR)

      Parents with PR are generally allowed to act alone without reference to other adults with PR. However the BMA/GMC guidelines state that all adults with PR should give consent and Re: J did establish a point of principle in endorsing the judge’s conclusion that section 2(7) of the Children Act does not enable a parent to arrange circumcision without the consent of the other. Section 2(7) provides:

      “Where more than one person has parental responsibility for a child, each of them may act alone and without the other (or others) in meeting that responsibility; but nothing in this Part shall be taken to effect the operation of any enactment which requires the consent of more than one person in a matter affecting the child.”

      That said, there isn’t (to my knowledge) a single case of in UK law of one parent (or a circumciser) being taken to court for allowing a boy to be circumcised without the consent of all adults with PR—if anyone knows of such a case I’d like to know.

      Secondly, the case you cite did not establish that a parent cannot have their son circumcised if only one parent gives consent. In fact, the judge said in summing up:

      “My decision in this case turns on its particular facts. I do not think it can be said that the court would not, in any circumstances, order a child to be circumcised.”

      The existence of Re J [2000] does not guarantee that any future case where parents disagreed would lead to a ruling against circumcision.

      More recently, in SS (Malaysia) v Secretary of State for the Home Department [2013] EWCA Civ 888 (18 July 2013), the court ruled that mother and son should be returned to Malaysia where the boy would be circumcised in line with the fathers wishes. The context for this case was different but it demonstrates that UK law doesn’t give primacy to preventing circumcision from happening—-the “child’s best interest” principle is paramount and it can be and is argued that there are cases where it is in the best interests of the child to be circumcised.

      As a general principle, a parent should not circumcise their son against the wishes of another parent or adult with PR, this is not quite the same as saying it is illegal to do so and it certainly isn’t the case that the court will always back the parent who doesn’t want to circumcise in cases where there is a dispute as each case is taken on its individual merits.

      • http://www.farreach.org B. Maurene White

        Thanks so much for bringing this issue out for public discussion. Isn’t it astonishing that a form of torturing adult men practiced by warring Middle Eastern tribes believed to have been started in the Bronze Age, to enslave captives, was worked into medicine in the 1840s before medicine and science informed each other, and in neonates at that. Neonates are among the more fragile, vulnerable and defenceless of human beings – but they are indeed human beings, people, not objects, citizens in their own right. They must be spoken for and protected, not used as pawns in a $2,000,000,000/annum ‘circumcision industrial complex’, which is perpetrated, mostly in the US, but elsewhere in Western cultures too?

  • http://www.farreach.org B. Maurene White

    Congratulations on an educated, compassionate perspective and position. How strange that a Christian woman wishes her son to be what is tantamount to tortured and mutilated. How uneducated and backwards! I hope she will open her mind and heart for her son and for you.

    Your wife’s Christian background should be of some help and direction. Christians are mandated NOT to circumcise whatever the secular traditions of his or her culture. Circumcision is Old Covenant, Judaic, and several Hebrew scholars believe the circumcision verses are inserts from a much later era – after the second exile. Baptism, the New Covenant, mandated by Christ in the Gospels. replaces circumcision altogether. It is heretical, a blasphemy to destroy God’s creation, to denigrate any part of our created bodies. Jesus did not circumcise although he was a rabbi. Jesus, following his cousin John the Baptist. In fact Jesus contrasted healing, making a man whole to circumcision, harming a man in John 7:19-23.

    Why does she want it? Familiar look? The look is that of injury, which is all circumcision is, there is absolutely no medical benefit, it is not a medical procedure. These two doctors explain the risks: Dr James Snyder http://youtu.be/XrcMYq0ASB8?t=5m53s and Dr. Christopher Guest’ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYaPcKRiA5s, Circumcision, The Whole Story http://youtu.be/hi6A7wP7dKw
    – See more at: http://www.farreach.org/donate-links-comment/#sthash.c4oLR8JK.dpuf

    If t comes down to legalities most hospitals will not circumcise if one parent opposes it. Make your wishes clearly known and take a firm stand. In North America one may take out an injunction against an action, particularly one that is harmful. You may also contact NORM.UK and Genital Autonomy for support and they will help you a lot. Two wonderful men in these organizations are Dr. John Warren and David Smith. They encouraged my production of they iPhone app: i4SkinHealth an iPhone/Pod/Pad app see at: http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/i4skinhealth/id408258486?ls=1&mt=8

    Two more links: http://www.farreach.org ( my site) please read Objectives – a plan for many research projects and https://www.facebook.com/pages/FarReach/365951563480675

    also a nursing case study article with a couple who preserved their marriage through foreskin restoration:
    http://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-94-007-6407-1_8#sthash.41S2l8YK.dpuf please feel free to send an email address if you’d like a pdf of the nursing article. bmwhite41@gmail.com or info@farreach.org

    Excellent presentation to Genital Autonomie in Cologne May 6/14 Prof Toba Levin – bottom line – fear motivates circumcision. What is your wife afraid of? Telling her family and friends that against convention she kept her son whole? Many will praise her for her courage keeping him intact, and your son will blame her for cutting him and also you if you are not firm enough to put you foot down and protect him.
    http://youtu.be/Y9QVIJJPCcs Time to come out of the Bronze Age with its sacrificial blood rituals. Your child does not deserve to be sacrifices for her narcissism and un-caring attitude. Your son has a right to be intact. See: Circumcision: A Medical or a Human Rights Issue? http://www.cirp.org/library/ethics/milos-macris/

    Two anatomy studies: Anatomy of the prepuce by Taylor et al http://www.cirp.org/library/anatomy/taylor/ and http://www.cirp.org/library/anatomy/cold-taylor/ and two physiology studies: http://www.cirp.org/library/anatomy/sorrells_2007/ – on the sensitivity of the prepuce:
    http://www.prweb.com/releases/2007/03/prweb512999.htm
    – See more at: http://www.farreach.org/donate-links-comment/#sthash.c4oLR8JK.dpuf

    And last but not least insist she watch these 20 odd terrible videos of mutilation at this site; she absolutely MUST watch each one: http://www.circumstitions.com/#circumcision

    And throughout your son’s childhood, after you succeed in keeping him intact, remember there is very little care needed to look after an intact baby’s foreskin. See: http://www.circumstitions.com/Care.html and http://www.nocirc.org/publish/pamphlet4.html

    In the US and elsewhere circumcisers kill 100 – 200+babies and little boys every year. And everywhere it is practiced 2% – 10% suffer additional losses of penis parts sometimes resulting in amputation and other debilitating sexual injuries so as a man he may never have a normal life, and indeed may be killed.

    Very best regards, stay strong in your resolve to keep your son whole.

    B. Maurene White, Montreal.

    My bro-in-law is Iranian, their son was born n Iran and didn’t stand a chance, my sister totally ignorant of the value of the foreskin and the risks and losses of circumcision.

  • cosmopolite

    1. Inform the Harley Street clinic that you, the father, do not consent to having your son circumcised in infancy.
    2. This video is by an Iranian women in America, who is totally opposed to circumcision:

  • Anon

    His body. His decision.

  • http://www.farreach.org B. Maurene White

    Hoping for positive news – does anyone feel there is a way of bringing Christian theology or scripture to bear on this Christian woman who is going exactly opposite to her religion’s position on circumcision. Perhaps ‘secular circumcision’ in the Mid-East is a stronger impetus for her to be so focussed on it. Coptic Christians have similarly never been able to leave it aside.

    What area does the couple live in? It could be possible for the husband to speak to his wife’s priest or if she does not belong to a parish to find a minister or priest in her denomination to visit her and explain both scriptures that show circumcision as Old Covenant and completely unnecessary for Christians since John the Baptist and Christ began to baptize in place of circumcising. He could also explain that this still exists today and that some men are very angry that their parents did not discern the MDs manipulation to circumcise and deeply resent this violation of their sexuality and invasion of their privacy from having been circumcised against their wills and without their consent.

    Here is an interesting website for Christians, whether they are Catholic or belong to a Reform tradition: http://www.catholicsagainstcircumcision.org/ – they are US based and take as a scripture sentence to focus their mission: Phil. 3:2 “Beware of the dogs, beware of the evil workers, beware of those who mutilate the flesh! For it is we who are the circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God…”

    Mission of Catholics Against Circumcision:

    * Educate Catholics and others about Catholic teaching on circumcision and the current medical view.

    * Encourage the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops to require Catholic hospitals to stop performing non-therapeutic circumcisions.

    * Encourage Catholic hospitals to stop allowing and Catholic physicians to stop performing non-therapeutic circumcisions, in keeping with the Catholic Catechism teaching on “Respect for bodily integrity” and the provisions of the “Ethical and Religious Directives for Catholic Health Care Services.”

    * Support the rights of all health care workers to refuse to participate in non-therapeutic circumcisions on conscientious grounds, without penalty.

    * Seek an apology from the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, on behalf of the Church, to all males who were subjected to non-therapeutic circumcisions at Catholic hospitals, and performed without their consent.

    * Encourage Catholic hospitals to provide positive assistance to circumcised males who wish to undergo foreskin restoration by surgical or non-surgical means.

    Catholics Against Circumcision promotes respect for the bodily integrity of all people and especially focuses on children who are circumcised routinely at birth. Children have a right to be free from unnecessary amputations that cause pain, trauma, scarring, and loss to their perfect bodies. New Testament Scriptures teach us that the Old Testament Law that required circumcision was fulfilled after the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Circumcision is not required under the New Law. As Christians, we are to place our faith in Jesus Christ as our Savior.

  • Jaime

    I am confused. You said your wife was Christian? But Christians oppose circumcision as stated in the bible; God forbids routine infant circumcision under the New Covenant. One cannot call himself a follower of Christ and knowingly participate in this ritual.

    In Luke 2:21, Jesus’ circumcision is mentioned. The New Covenant began on the day of His resurrection and thus all Jews were bound to obey the Old Covenant until then. This is the first reason for Christ’s circumcision. He was born under the Old Covenant and His parents were obedient. But the second reason, which transcends the cultural, is even more significant. The Bible teaches that Christ’s circumcision was the starting point of His shedding of blood for humanity, and that not only did He do so to identify with all those who had suffered under this grievous burden, but He did it also as a substitution for all the babies that would be born after the New Covenant. The New Testament teaches that we as New Covenant believers are supposed to accept His circumcision, His baptism, His death, and His resurrection as our propitiation (Col. 2:8-14). The writings of the Early Church Fathers are filled with references to this. They speak over and over of “giving thanks to our Savior for taking our circumcision for us, and shedding His innocent blood once for all, so that we’ll never have to.”

    ~Rom. 2: 17-19 “But if you bear the name Jews and rely upon the Law…You who boast in the Law through your breaking the Law, do you dishonor God?…For indeed your circumcision [i.e. the mark that is already on your genitals] is of value if you faithfully keep the Law, but if you are a transgressor of the Law, your circumcision has been made obsolete. If therefore the uncircumcised man keeps the requirements of the Law, will not his uncircumcision be counted the same as your circumcision? And will not he who is physically uncircumcised , if he keeps the Law, will he not condemn you who, through the letter of the Law and through circumcision, are a transgressor of the Law. For he is not a Jew who is one externally. Neither is circumcision that which is external in the flesh. But he is a Jew who is one inwardly. And circumcision is that which is of the heart by the Spirit. . .and his praise is not from men, but from God.”

    ~Rom. 3:29-30 “Is God the God of Jews only? Is He not the God of Gentiles, also? Yes, of Gentiles also. Since the God who will justify those of the circumcision out of faith, and those of the uncircumcision through faith, is One.”

    ~Rom. 4:10 “How then was this faith reckoned to Abraham? Not while circumcised, but while uncircumcised. He received the symbol of circumcision. . . that he might be the father of all who believe without circumcision. . . who follow in the steps of our father Abraham which were in his uncircumcision.”
    God defines a Christian in this verse as one who believes without circumcision.

    ~1 Cor. 7:17 “As God has called each man, in this manner let him walk. And thus I command in all the churches. Was any man called in the circumcision [i.e. Old Covenant]? Let him not try to become uncircumcised. Has anyone been called in the uncircumcision [i.e. New Covenant]? Let him not be circumcised! Circumcision is nothing. And uncircumcision is nothing but the keeping of the commandments of God. Let each man remain in that condition in which he was called.”

    ~Gal. 2:3 “But not even Titus who was with me, though he was a Greek, was compelled to be circumcised. But it was because of the false brethren who had sneaked in to spy out our freedom which we have, in order to bring us back into bondage. But we did not yield in subjection to them for even an hour, so that the truth of the Gospel might remain in you.”

    ~Gal. 3:13 “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us.”
    Paul teaches here that circumcision was meant to be a curse (no one is supposed to want to do this to their babies!), but that Christ has been the substitution for our children, that our sons should never have to shed their blood again.

    ~Gal. 5:2 “Behold, I Paul, say to you that if you become circumcised, Christ will profit you nothing!”

    ~Gal. 5:3 “And I testify again to every male who receives circumcision, that he is in debt to keep the whole Law. You who do so have been severed from Christ. . . you have fallen from grace.”

    ~Gal. 5:6 “For in Christ Jesus, neither circumcision nor uncircumcision gives spiritual power, but faith working through love.”
    Here Paul reasons again that the genitals are no longer a status symbol. Therefore the only acceptable thing to do with them is to leave them alone the way God created them.

    ~Gal. 5:7 “You were running well, who hindered you from obeying the truth? This persuasion did not come from Him who calls you.”

    ~Gal. 5:10 “I have confidence in you in the Lord that you will adopt no other view. But the one who is pushing you to do so shall bear his own condemnation, whoever he may be.”

    ~Gal. 5:11 “But if I still proclaim circumcision. . . then the stumbling block of the cross has been abolished.”

    ~Gal. 5:12 “I wish that those who are pushing you to do so would mutilate themselves!”

    ~Gal. 6: 12-16 “Those who desire to make a good showing in the flesh try to compel you to be circumcised, simply that they may not be persecuted for the cross of Christ. . . They desire to have you circumcised so they may boast in your flesh. . . for neither is circumcision anything, nor uncircumcision…”

    ~Phil. 3:2 “Beware of the dogs! Beware of the evil workers! Beware of the mutilation! For WE are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God, and glory in Christ Jesus, and put NO confidence in the flesh!”

    ~Col. 2:8-14 “See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men…rather than according to Christ. For in Him all the fulness of Deity dwells in bodily form and in Him you have been made whole.. and in Him you were also circumcised, with a circumcision made without hands, in the removal of the body of the flesh by the circumcision of Christ, having been buried with Him in baptism, and raised up with Him through faith. And…in the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive together with Him. . . having cancelled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us which were hostile to us. And He has taken them out of the way, having nailed them to the cross.”

    ~Lev.19:28 “You shall not make any cuts in your flesh.”

    ~Deut. 23: 1 “No one who…has his male genitalia cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.”

    “I desire mercy and not sacrifice.”-Jesus (Matt. 9:13)

    The bible makes it pretty clear that circumcision is forbidden to Christians…!

    • Inside MAN

      Hi Jaime

      Thanks for all those references. There isn’t a singular Christian view, there are lots of different Christian views and many Christians, particularly those in Africa and the U.S.A, practice and support circumcision—-though not usually for religious reasons but for other social/cultural reasons.

      Best Regards

      Glen
      insideMAN

      • http://www.councilofbritain.jimdo.com/issues PJ

        Then they are not Christians. You can’t claim to be a Muslim and ignore the Qur’an and follow the bible instead, and you can’t claim to be a Christian and ignore the New Testament but follow Judaism (the Old Testament) instead. The bible speaks strongly against circumcision and the apostle even referred to it as a yoke which neither their fathers nor they were able to bear (Acts 15:1-11). Those who circumcise are even referred to as mutilators of the flesh.

  • Roland Day

    A Court ruling in England requires the consent of both parents.

    Re J [2000] 1 FCR 307.

    http://www.cirp.org/library/legal/Re_J/2000.html

    This father must retain a solicitor who will hire a barrister who will take the case to family court.

    He might be able to get some help from NORM-UK

    http://www.norm-uk.org/

    He should be able to get an injunction.

    • Inside MAN

      Thanks Roland

      That’s not entirely accurate. Medical practitioners should ensure that all adults with parental responsibility (PR) consent (while all mothers have automatically have PR, all father don’t have PR, so it is inaccurate to say that the consent of both parents is required). Also where parents with PR disagree, the court can rule in favour of the parent who is pro-circumcision, so an injunction does not guarantee that a circumcision will be prevented.

      In a case like this, where the father has PR, the guidance we were given was that a lawyer’s letter reminding the mother that she required the consent of the father to perform the circumcision and was required to apply to court for a ruling if she wanted to proceed, was a possible way forward.

      We are not lawyers and therefore not able to give legal advice but this is our understanding, though as there are no hard and fast rules, any parent in a similar situation should get advice based on their own unique set of circumstances.

      Thanks for stopping by

      insideMAN

  • Erna

    trying to find further arguments, that could help convincing her:

    she is woman: might it make a man arrogant against women, when he has gone through a tough ritual of ‘becoming a man’?

    you might tell her of your personal experience: what aspects of your own circumcision and of its consequences where (or are today) sad for yourself? Did it affect your relationship to your parents?

    on the internet-channel bonobo3d there are at least two interviews with women, who let their son become circumcised and regret this later in life. F.e. Miriam Pollock.

    The son of jewish parents in Denmark asked his Rabby and his parents “can you give me my forskin back?” (this is a real story)

    What makes your wife feel empathic with a suffering person? – are there consequences or risks of circumcision, that could trigger the “weak points” of your wife?

    WHY is him being circumcised so important for her, do you know her real motives? What could help her to come over it?

    Video of Schoenfeld, good information espaciallly for young parents