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Saying “that’s so gay” doesn’t make young men homophobic

July 16, 2014 by Inside MAN 6 Comments

Is it homophobic to say “that’s so gay”? There are instances where it isn’t argues Mark McCormack from Durham University in an article orginally published at The Conversation.

The phrase “that’s so gay” has traditionally been understood as homophobic. Stonewall’s School Report argued this position, and it will be discussed in their upcoming Education Conference.

Stonewall argues that the phrase has a harmful effect on young lesbian, gay and bisexual people’s education and well-being. Yet the initial findings from my interviews with 40 gay youth from four universities suggests a more complex picture, with no clear agreement on what the phrase means or its effects.

Consider Joe, a 19-year-old gay student at an elite university. He said: “I think it breaks down barriers between the straight and gay community… I use it a lot.” Similarly, Neil, gay and aged 18, said: “I don’t find it derogatory in any way, probably because I say it as well.”

How are we to understand a phrase that older people find homophobic, but many younger people do not find offensive and even use themselves? We can only get to an answer by listening to the voices of young people and trying to understand their perspectives.

Context, meaning and understanding

My interest in the phrase “that’s so gay” developed when I researched straight male students at sixth form colleges. These young men had openly gay friends, supported gay rights and condemned homophobia. Yet several of them would also say “that’s so gay” when frustrated. Given that labelling these students homophobic would be ridiculous, it was vital to consider how they were using this language and the reasons why.

All of the men in my research insisted that they did not intend to be homophobic when they used the phrase. For them, gay had two distinct meanings which they were able to distinguish between – when it refers to sexual identity and when it refers, separately, to something being “rubbish”. Importantly, linguistic research supports their claims. Language has evolved and “gay” means something different to younger generations in particular contexts.

I argued that straight men’s use of phrases like “that’s so gay” could only be understood by three key factors: first, the intent with which it was said; second, the social context (homophobic or otherwise); and third, the effect it had. In other words, if there is no evidence of harm, it is difficult to argue that it is damaging.

When it comes to language use, context is all-important. “That’s so gay” can be homophobic if it is said with negative intent or within a homophobic environment. But when it is said in settings where sexual minorities are out, proud and socially included, and heterosexual men are friends with their openly gay peers, it takes on different meanings. In such a context it is not homophobic.

This argument was supported by the narratives of many of the 40 young gay people in a study I am undertaking with colleagues at Durham University. Most participants have argued that the context of the phrase determined their opinions of it: it was the manner in which it was said, along with their relationship to the speaker, which influenced how they heard the phrase.

‘I don’t like it, but I also say it’

In the debates about “that’s so gay”, it is important to recognise that gay youths also use the phrase. This was a recurring theme in the interviews, with Fred stating: “I say it all the time, it’s how you say you’re pissed off.” Others had more doubt, with Lee commenting: “I don’t like it, but I also say it.”

Only a minority of participants – less than a third – thought that the phrase was homophobic, and even fewer said that they never used it. Most of the young gay people in my study felt “that’s so gay” would only be homophobic if it was directed at a gay person, and with negative intent.

So there is no easy answer to whether “that’s so gay” is homophobic. It depends on the age of the people saying and hearing it, the intent with which it is said, and the context in which it is said. The meanings and effects of the phrase will also be different if it is aimed at a person or used as a more general expression of frustration.

There is also a clear generational difference, with younger people having markedly different understandings to older people.

Bigger battles

Homophobic hate crimes are classified as such if the victim believes it to be so. It follows that the opposite should also be true. If young gay people are saying that they do not experience the phrase “that’s so gay” as homophobic – and if they are even using the phrase themselves – then perhaps we should accept their arguments and concentrate on other battles.

It is vital that we combat homophobia in schools, and promote equality of sexuality. Stonewall has many resources that are helpful in combatting the privileging of heterosexuality. Straight people and sexual minorities must work together to achieve equality of sexuality.

But focusing on the phrase “that’s so gay” is not the way to achieve that goal. If we spent more time fighting for a holistic sex education in schools, and less time policing the meaning of contested words, our schools would be more inclusive spaces for all students.

Mark McCormack does not work for, consult to, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has no relevant affiliations. He is co-director of the Centre for Sex, Gender and Sexualities at Durham University, a member of the editorial board of the Journal for LGBT Youth and has worked with EACH (Education Actino Challenging Homophobia) co-writing guidelines on homophobic bullying for an English local authority.  

This article was originally published on The Conversation. Read the original article.

Tell us what you think? Do you agree with Mark or do you think his line of reasoning is “a bit gay”? 

If you liked this article and want to read more, follow us on Twitter @insideMANmag and Facebook

Further reading:

  • Is wearing pink underpants a bit gay?
  • Are young gay men burning up like moths?

—Photo credit: flickr/homoerectus

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Filed Under: ABOUT MEN Tagged With: gay, homophobia, LGBT, Mark McCormack, Stonewall, The Conversation

  • http://thepowerofrelationship.com Mark Davenport

    As someone interested about as much in the evolution of language as in the evolution of sex, I can see that “That’s so gay” has just taken on a life of its own and, like so many once heavily “sexified” words, (like, say, jazz) it is going on to have its own independent life in the language. I didn’t know that about the phrase until today and have never used it in either sense, maybe because of my age (72). And I probably won’t.
    Thanks for the perspective, Mark!

  • Inside MAN

    Comments from our Facebook friends:

    TLW:

    “I absolutely loathe this expression. I dont think it is homophobic, but more along the lines of a micro aggression. “That’s so gay” means something is stupid, which implies that being gay is stupid”

    RF:

    ” I think it must be a generational thing. The young people here seem to be saying it without wishing to belittle their gay friends. Indeed, they argue that the word ‘ gay’ has 2 different meanings, and I can accept that – when I was a child, it meant happy and carefree. But as a gay man in my 40s, I’d prefer it wasn’t used. Maybe I need to have a good 2-way conversation with some of today’s young people about what it means to them, and what it means to me.”

    JD:

    ” I’m not buying it. These kids may well have gay friends and appear to hold gay-friendly attitudes, but this linguistic choice is – whether they intend it to be or not – homophobic. But then its not surprising, as – despite such huge legislative and cultural change in tecent years – our society remains deeply homophobic.”

  • Inside MAN

    Some more comments from friends on Facebook:

    RA:
    “The term ‘straight-acting’ is more contentious with gay men using the term on dating sites so that they can distance themselves from old stereotypes.”

    VM:
    “Gays appear to be among the most sensitive and hypocritical elements of society. If not to their liking it is labelled homophobic etc. Yet their language is brutally dismissive in private. I’m tired of this desire to control language by ‘oversensitive’ and sometimes avaricious sections of society.”

  • Inside MAN

    Some more discussion on this from our readers on Facebook:

    SW: “It’s the same as people saying ‘like a girl’ to mean ‘rubbish’. It’s often said unthinkingly and the people saying it aren’t necessarily vile sexists, but it promotes the idea that women don’t do things as well as men and is casual sexism. It’s not harmless as people assume. Ditto saying ‘that’s so gay’ to mean ‘a bit rubbish’ – it’s casual homophobia. I guess saying ‘that’s so gay’ – for example, if a man is talking about his collection of Barbara Streisand albums – is more about buying into and promoting a stereotype of what gay men are like.That’s also hugely annoying for the very many gay men who don’t fit the stereotype at all! Call me humourless but I also dislike jokes about having ‘a blonde moment’ , it’s derogatory and suggests being a blonde woman automatically makes you thick and shallow!”

    PN:
    “When language parameters are set by “victims” without reference to the non-victims, language gets distorted. The word “homophobic” is a good example. Etymologically it’s more or less meaningless, meaning “fear of the same”. It only has its meaning if we understand the first part – homo- to be a derogatory reference to gays. Does this mean that we can now use the word “homo” in this connection? After all, the gay community came up with the word in the first place. But I doubt that it’s an acceptable usage, apart from within the gay community, like the n* word in the black community. Too much special pleading, IMO. No-one ‘owns’ the language.”

    VM:
    “In Irish there is an expression ‘Gan teanga, gan tire’ means without tongue, without country. Control of language is everything.”

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