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Misogyny is man’s worst friend and ending it is good for everyone

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Is campaigning against misogyny men’s work? Chris Flux from Men Against Violence in Preston says it is and explains  here why he thinks tackling sexism against women is good for everyone.

—This is article #45 in our series of #100Voices4Men and boys 

It always concerns me when people blindly attack feminism on social media, labelling the entire movement as ‘evil’ and its proponents as ‘man-haters’.

This does not mean that feminism is some perfect ideology that should never be challenged or that there aren’t some women with some deeply unfair ideas about men. No, what bothers me is that often when someone challenges or merely expresses concern about the way in which some men treat women they get an aggressive response, their ideas misrepresented and constant accusations of man-hating which rarely have any foundation. (most feminists I have met in person or online have been okay with me as a man)

There can be a similar response when anyone (male or female) suggests that men should be more caring, thoughtful or respect women. This doesn’t mean that men should put women on a pedestal (that’s not equality) or that men should be ‘emasculated’ ‘weaklings’ who are prevented from enjoying traditional male pursuits such as sport, beer and sex. It’s just that it’s SO frustrating that there is so much effort aimed at trying to silence these progressive ideas instead of trying to assess them through thoughtful analysis and respectful dialogue.

How does misogyny hurt men?

Whilst reactionary defences of misogyny (the hatred of women) is obviously bad for women, its also VERY BAD for men too as it holds us back as people and causes us a lot of suffering too. These are some of the ways in which misogyny actually hurts men:

  1. Misogyny believes the worst about men. (i.e that we are innately brutal sexist jerks)
  2. Misogyny makes men look bad and creates distrust between the sexes.
  3. Misogyny literally hurts and sometimes kills women (through domestic abuse etc…) that men care about like family members and friends.
  4. Misogyny demands that men conform to very rigid gender roles which limit men’s choices as well as women’s. Men who don’t conform to certain ideals are shamed, abuse and ridiculed for it.(often by being compared to women)
  5. Misogyny creates such a fear in men of being perceived as feminine that they refuse to get medical or emotional help which increases their chances of committing suicide or dying of health conditions which were preventable and treatable (e.g. prostate cancer)
  6. Misogyny creates such a fear in men of being perceived as feminine that they must constantly compete with other men (sometimes through violence) to prove that they are ‘Real Men’. This creates a ‘dog eat dog world’ where women wanting to prove themselves must follow the same rules as men.
  7. Misogyny in porn and the sexual objectication of women damages men’s relationships with women by creating false expectations of sex and damaging intimacy.

Finally, there is often a lot of talk online about misandry and whilst some women are prejudiced against men, amongst the worst and most prominent misandry I have come across comes (ironically) from male chauvinists and rape apologists who excuse sexual violence as being an expression of ‘uncontrollable male lust’. This offensive idea is rejected outright by most feminists who also believe it puts the blame for sexual assault onto the victim.

My message to men is that Misogyny is not your friend but probably your worst enemy! If we unite with women to attempt to end it then we ultimately help ourselves.

If we have a society where women are respected and treated as equals, we also have a society where:

  1. Men are seen as innately caring, decent and trustworthy.
  2. Men don’t have to worry about whether their female friends or relatives are safe.
  3. Men can freely express who they are and choose their own roles. (whether traditional or non-traditional)
  4. Men can access social, medical and professional support without fear of ridicule.
  5. Men are so confident in who they are that they don’t have to prove their maleness.

And finally! In a world without where women are seen as ‘sexual beings’ rather than ‘sexual objects’; sex is going to be better for EVERYONE!

Photo Credit: flickr/Jeremy Keith

Chris Flux is the Campaign Director of Men Against Violence which is “a men’s campaign to end violence against women” which is also “concerned about male victims of abuse and homophobic bullying.” This article is his own opinion and not necessarily the opinion of Men Against Violence.

To find out more visit menagainstviolence.co.uk or follow on twitter @MAV_Preston  of facebook.

You can find all of the #100Voices4Men articles that will be published in the run up to International Men’s Day 2014 by clicking on this link—#100Voices4Men—and follow the discussion on twitter by searching for #100Voices4Men.

The views expressed in these articles are not the views of insideMAN editorial team. Whether you agree with the views expressed in this article or not we invite you to take take part in this important discussion, our only request is that you express yourself in a way that ensures everyone’s voice can be heard.

You can join the #100Voices4Men discussion by commenting below; by following us on Twitter @insideMANmag and Facebook or by emailing insideMANeditor@gmail.com. 

 

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  • http://thepowerofrelationship.com Mark Davenport

    Worthy of being reposted every now and then!

  • Nigel

    Curiously experience at my children’s school is that it’s girls who most assiduously police boys behaviours and route out effeminacy or homosexuality . Not sure what this may mean but it seems to me both sexes”police” themselves and each other in a complicated way. In terms of statutes and social mores anthropologically it is male behaviour that is subject to most assiduous regulation. I guess Chris Flux is part of that long tradition like the chivalric orders or Victorian purity. Societies . Tacitly based on the notion that without intentional work males emotions will overtake them and the result will be chaos . Is Feminisms determination to police males just the latest version of laws from the pedestal ? Is there any real difference between the earliest Scottish law code and the current proliferations of orders , injunctions and guidance Yet our man made society is peaceful, free and comfortable.

  • Darren Ball

    “It always concerns me when people blindly attack feminism on social media, labelling the entire movement as ‘evil’ and its proponents as ‘man-haters’.”

    Totally true. Feminism has been one of the most, if not the most, progressive forces in our social evolution. As Chris says, it may not be an ideal ideology and we should be able to debate it (as feminists do amongst themselves, so should everybody feel free to do so). There is much still to be done on behalf of women and girls – at home and abroad.

    The movement, however, is completely ambivalent to issues that affect men and boys. I’m aware of no feminist group that campaigns for gender equality – they all limit their campaigns to issues that affect women and girls. Even on issues where males are disadvantaged (say health, education or incarceration) feminism will campaign on a sub-set of these issue where females are disadvantaged. For instance, feminism doesn’t campaign about boys relative under-performance at school since the introduction of the GCSE. On the contrary, they celebrate girls’ success and demand to know why they haven’t leveraged this advantage in the workplace (even though they have). They also focus on the few subjects where girls are not doing better (say maths).

    If the movement would extend its radius of concern to include men and boys, to be the force for gender equality it claims to be, then there would be no place for the so-called Men’s Rights Movement.

    Although I agree that feminism is often unfairly vilified, so too are men who challenge it or campaigns on behalf of men and boys. One evening after a bottle of pinot grigio, my feminist wife said something that surprised me. She said: “when I talk about gender politics I sound like a cunt”.

    She then said something that surprised me even more. She said “And I tell you that because I love you”.

    Okay, she should work on her bedside manner, but what she was saying was that I’m not a cunt, but you cannot challenge feminist orthodoxy without people assuming that you are. Men who argue for the rights of men and boys, no matter how reasonable and balanced they are about it, are very likely to be labelled misogynist (a woman hater). Which is just as bad as what Chris is complaining about in his article.

    • Nigel

      Interesting point Darren. I’d go so far as to suggest that your “crime” is in fact that you step out of the protector role. Men are conventionally not to put themselves first. Suggesting boys and men may have the same rights or issues to be attended to steps out of the magnanimous protector role to another , possibly competitor role. Many of the charges levelled at such men are couched in ways to say they aren’t proper men. Without a truthful mirror feminists appear not to see the contradiction. From student days when “liberation” somewhat niaively was going free both women and men from conforming roles my journey took a slow turn as I realised that actually feminism has compassion bypass about men and boys and some actively fight against some pretty modest attempts to fill this void with advocacy for damaged men and boys.

  • Pingback: Misogyny Hurts Men Too? :: The Damned Olde Man()

  • Drex Johnson

    As long as the so called “mens” movement insists on prioritising on “eradicating misogyny” rather than dealing primarily with helping men and boys it will remain not only ineffective, but fully in the pockets of the “feminists” who indeed will probably agree with the easily obtained definitions of what constitutes both “Misogyny” and “Misandry”..

    noun

    1.

    hatred, dislike, or mistrust of women.

    Compare misandry.

    noun

    1.

    hatred of males.

    These definitions (from dictionary.com) do pretty accurately reflect the way the words are used.. (Although misandry is rarely heard away from the MRM..)..

    As can be seen, to be judged a “misogynist” one merely has to dislike or mistrust women.. Lets face it, what sort of man would “trust” any woman in view of the clear misandry in the law which would brand any man a misogynist beast if he dare even mention that women do bad things..

    Combatting misandry MUST be the priority of the men’s movement. And accusing men of misogyny simply for having opinions, being angry even.. is in many ways denying their natural right to “act as men act”..

    This means, the men’s movement is in my opinion just as prone to being misandric, as the feminist movement is often alleged to be..

    Frankly, I have always noted far more raw MISANDRY emanating from the men’s collectives than I have from women’s groups.. Oh, the paradox of it all!