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Saying “that’s so gay” doesn’t make young men homophobic

July 16, 2014 by Inside MAN 6 Comments

Is it homophobic to say “that’s so gay”? There are instances where it isn’t argues Mark McCormack from Durham University in an article orginally published at The Conversation.

The phrase “that’s so gay” has traditionally been understood as homophobic. Stonewall’s School Report argued this position, and it will be discussed in their upcoming Education Conference.

Stonewall argues that the phrase has a harmful effect on young lesbian, gay and bisexual people’s education and well-being. Yet the initial findings from my interviews with 40 gay youth from four universities suggests a more complex picture, with no clear agreement on what the phrase means or its effects.

Consider Joe, a 19-year-old gay student at an elite university. He said: “I think it breaks down barriers between the straight and gay community… I use it a lot.” Similarly, Neil, gay and aged 18, said: “I don’t find it derogatory in any way, probably because I say it as well.”

How are we to understand a phrase that older people find homophobic, but many younger people do not find offensive and even use themselves? We can only get to an answer by listening to the voices of young people and trying to understand their perspectives.

Context, meaning and understanding

My interest in the phrase “that’s so gay” developed when I researched straight male students at sixth form colleges. These young men had openly gay friends, supported gay rights and condemned homophobia. Yet several of them would also say “that’s so gay” when frustrated. Given that labelling these students homophobic would be ridiculous, it was vital to consider how they were using this language and the reasons why.

All of the men in my research insisted that they did not intend to be homophobic when they used the phrase. For them, gay had two distinct meanings which they were able to distinguish between – when it refers to sexual identity and when it refers, separately, to something being “rubbish”. Importantly, linguistic research supports their claims. Language has evolved and “gay” means something different to younger generations in particular contexts.

I argued that straight men’s use of phrases like “that’s so gay” could only be understood by three key factors: first, the intent with which it was said; second, the social context (homophobic or otherwise); and third, the effect it had. In other words, if there is no evidence of harm, it is difficult to argue that it is damaging.

When it comes to language use, context is all-important. “That’s so gay” can be homophobic if it is said with negative intent or within a homophobic environment. But when it is said in settings where sexual minorities are out, proud and socially included, and heterosexual men are friends with their openly gay peers, it takes on different meanings. In such a context it is not homophobic.

This argument was supported by the narratives of many of the 40 young gay people in a study I am undertaking with colleagues at Durham University. Most participants have argued that the context of the phrase determined their opinions of it: it was the manner in which it was said, along with their relationship to the speaker, which influenced how they heard the phrase.

‘I don’t like it, but I also say it’

In the debates about “that’s so gay”, it is important to recognise that gay youths also use the phrase. This was a recurring theme in the interviews, with Fred stating: “I say it all the time, it’s how you say you’re pissed off.” Others had more doubt, with Lee commenting: “I don’t like it, but I also say it.”

Only a minority of participants – less than a third – thought that the phrase was homophobic, and even fewer said that they never used it. Most of the young gay people in my study felt “that’s so gay” would only be homophobic if it was directed at a gay person, and with negative intent.

So there is no easy answer to whether “that’s so gay” is homophobic. It depends on the age of the people saying and hearing it, the intent with which it is said, and the context in which it is said. The meanings and effects of the phrase will also be different if it is aimed at a person or used as a more general expression of frustration.

There is also a clear generational difference, with younger people having markedly different understandings to older people.

Bigger battles

Homophobic hate crimes are classified as such if the victim believes it to be so. It follows that the opposite should also be true. If young gay people are saying that they do not experience the phrase “that’s so gay” as homophobic – and if they are even using the phrase themselves – then perhaps we should accept their arguments and concentrate on other battles.

It is vital that we combat homophobia in schools, and promote equality of sexuality. Stonewall has many resources that are helpful in combatting the privileging of heterosexuality. Straight people and sexual minorities must work together to achieve equality of sexuality.

But focusing on the phrase “that’s so gay” is not the way to achieve that goal. If we spent more time fighting for a holistic sex education in schools, and less time policing the meaning of contested words, our schools would be more inclusive spaces for all students.

Mark McCormack does not work for, consult to, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has no relevant affiliations. He is co-director of the Centre for Sex, Gender and Sexualities at Durham University, a member of the editorial board of the Journal for LGBT Youth and has worked with EACH (Education Actino Challenging Homophobia) co-writing guidelines on homophobic bullying for an English local authority.  

This article was originally published on The Conversation. Read the original article.

Tell us what you think? Do you agree with Mark or do you think his line of reasoning is “a bit gay”? 

If you liked this article and want to read more, follow us on Twitter @insideMANmag and Facebook

Further reading:

  • Is wearing pink underpants a bit gay?
  • Are young gay men burning up like moths?

—Photo credit: flickr/homoerectus

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Filed Under: ABOUT MEN Tagged With: gay, homophobia, LGBT, Mark McCormack, Stonewall, The Conversation

Are young gay men burning up like moths?

June 14, 2014 by Inside MAN 2 Comments

—This is article #43 in our series of #100Voices4Men and boys 

Just last week I sat with a good friend of mine in a restaurant. Her imminent departure to start a new job in Dubai meant our conversation turned towards futures and growing older.

‘How do you feel about getting older?’ she asked. ‘I never think about gay guys in their 30s and 40s.’

This is something that I had to agree with. I started to think about my peers and how many of them have a detached view of their future.

As a young gay guy growing up in London I can invariably see that the focus of the gay community is on looking good, staying fit and warding off the approaching years. Many gay men I know spend their after work hours pumping away at the gym, their spare time scouring dating sites and their weekends on drug-fuelled binges. It’s a huge generalisation of course, but the most prevalent one.

We may have the best hair, the best jobs and the most perfectly Instagrammed smiles but something is missing.

Does it really get better?

Statistics consistently show that gay men suffer from high rates of depression and anxiety, are more susceptible to recreational drugs and the sexually transmitted diseases that plagued the distant 80s are now becoming a threat once again.

A few weeks ago I was lucky enough to be invited to a summit at King’s College in London entitled: ‘Does It Really Get Better?’ It was a talk between esteemed members of the LGBT community both young and old, discussing what problems each group face.

One speaker, and HIV activist, talked about the worrying rise of HIV infections due to gay men having unprotected sex. Statistics state that at the end of the 90s, the number of men with HIV was around 2,500. By 2011 that number had risen to 6,000.

I remember one speaker standing up to talk about the issue of loneliness in the gay community. I didn’t need a bunch of statistics to tell me that mature gay men report feelings of loneliness.

A quick flash of excess…

Books like ‘The Velvet Rage’ by Alan Downs addresses the issue gay men have with growing older. As gay boys we are the sons of heterosexual men. As much we may love and admire our fathers, as I do, we cannot imagine ourselves living the lives as they have done. Settling down, marriage and kids are options that have until recently been ruled out for us and are not paths that seem immediately open to young gay men.

Perhaps it is this fear that drives so many young gay guys to live the outwardly fabulous life of excess, to burn up like moths before their time is over.

I believe gay men need to be taught, from a young age in schools, that the chance of them meeting a solid partner and living a fulfilling live with the possibility of marriage and children is a very real thing. Growing older is not something to fear, rather something to embrace.

If we constantly present young gay men with the idea that life is a quick flash of excess, it will lead them to believe that long and happy lives are still just for straight people. We have a right to future happiness too; we just need to know that it could exist.

Liam Johnson

Liam is a journalist and freelance writer based in London. You can follow him on Twitter @Liam_JohnsonLDN

You can find all of the #100Voices4Men articles that will be published in the run up to International Men’s Day 2014 by clicking on this link—#100Voices4Men—and follow the discussion on twitter by searching for #100Voices4Men.

The views expressed in these articles are not the views of insideMAN editorial team. Whether you agree with the views expressed in this article or not we invite you to take take part in this important discussion, our only request is that you express yourself in a way that ensures everyone’s voice can be heard.

You can join the #100Voices4Men discussion by commenting below; by following us on Twitter @insideMANmag and Facebook or by emailing insideMANeditor@gmail.com. 

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Filed Under: Men’s Insights Tagged With: #100Voices4Men, gay, gay men

InsideMAN is committed to pioneering conversations about men, manhood and masculinity that make a difference. We aim to create spaces where the voices of men, from many different backgrounds, can be heard. It’s time to have a new conversation about men. We'd love you to be a part of it.

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