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I admit it, I’m uncomfortable when I see men kiss

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What did our reader’s think of the gay kiss in the new Lynx advert? One man, Martyn Judd, admitted on facebook that he feels uncomfortable seeing men kiss, here we share what he said.

Martyn’s comment was written in response to the following question:

“Who’d have thought that Lynx, one of the world’s most shamelessly heterosexual brands, would run an advert that includes a gay kiss? Lynx has proudly positioned itself as a brand that “helps guys get the girls” by producing “products that guys love” and “ads that quickly become part of the British guy’s psyche”. So what does this advert tell us about the changing nature of masculinity and the male psyche…..?”

High risk strategy for masculine brand

Firstly, I would say that, unless this is some strategic blunder, with the PR (branding) department outwitting the strategists, this is very unlikely to have been done lightly. This move ‘should’ have been based on a significant amount of consumer research, ie it will boost profits, not damage them.

In other words, the consumer reaction to an advert depicting two men kissing will strike a chord with a target demographic that will buy more of the product than the demographic that will be indifferent, or even react badly to the advert. It does, however, remain a high risk strategy for a strongly ‘masculine’ brand.

I would say that the only social comment it makes, is that masculinity is most likely, in modern times, to be defined less by sexuality and more by attitude and non-sexual behaviours.

Despite being high risk and having the potential to dilute the brand’s image and associations, it is quite a clever piece of promotion. On the one hand, it says “Hey! Lynx is for all men! Lynx doesn’t discriminate and it most certainly doesn’t care who you sleep with! We are modern day men and we are proud of masculinity as an all encompassing concept!”, but on the other hand, it is possibly controversial and is happy to cause some demographics to be uncomfortable and, perhaps, even to consciously set out to stimulate a backlash.

Why? Well, the age old saying goes that no publicity is bad publicity. I was once told by a boss, “Dare to be different. If nothing else, make sure the buyer remembers you, even if that means farting in his office before you leave!” With so many products and brands fighting for their own share of voice, anything which makes one advert more memorable than another reduces the overall cost of a PR programme. As long as you don’t cross the invisible line and dip into the ‘immoral’, everything is fair game.

Gay kissing is still controversial 

I know that, in an ideal world, a homosexual kiss between two men would not even be a talking point. But it’s not and here we are discussing it – the brand manager’s work is already more than 50% done! The Lynx ad has effectively doubled its share of voice by being thought provoking. By the inclusion of a simple kiss, people will think, “That’s the one with the guys kissing” when they walk past the product in Tesco (alongside 20 other similar products).

And it is controversial, no matter how PC, open-minded and forward thinking we may all believe ourselves to be… The girls all go “awwwww”, the social commentators all go “yup, society is moving on”, the homosexuals all go “hey, we’re being included and we are the norm”, the homophobes all go “that’s disgusting, an outrage” and, if you are like me, you go “ewwww, I really didn’t need to see that”!

Thus we arrive at the controversial part of my essay… Yes, when I see two guys kissing, my reaction is one of “ewwwww”. Ta daa! There it is! Rally the troops and charge!! “The Neanderthal homophobe must change his ways or die!” Actually, this is where it becomes a very grey area…

Does this make me homophobic? 

Am I (and many many others) homophobic, ie do we actively dislike or discriminate against a person because of their sexuality? No! Do we have a genuinely negative gut reaction to seeing two guys kissing(or two girls if you are female)? Yes! It is a sub-conscious reaction and, I’ll be very very blunt, it is a feeling of unpleasant nature and one that makes many people look away, myself included.

This is what Lynx’s high risk strategy is ultimately achieving and it is a very very powerful part of advertising. To put a two-dimensional image on the TV screen or billboard and to actually cause the audience to have a physical and emotional reaction! This is advertising heaven! The holy grail as it were. Advert = trigger = emotion = physical reaction = NLP anchor! The advert has taken NLP 101 and anchored your emotive response to a visual stimulus and a physical reaction.

When you see the product, the visual stimulus will again trigger the anchor, which will in turn trigger the emotion. Take it a step further and, when you even so much as think about the brand or the product, the NLP anchor sets it all off again! Pure genius!! No wonder the Lynx brand is worth a fortune.

I have no control of my reaction

I did watch the ad (link below) and it’s a very very good ad. My conscious reaction was tempered quite a lot by the context and brevity of the kiss, to be honest. However, the reaction was still present.

A good friend of mine once, during a somewhat drunken conversation in the early hours of a Sunday morning, explained his own sexuality. He asked me to think about the emotional and autonomic physical reaction I had to a naked picture of an attractive woman. Which I did.

He then said, “That’s how it is for me when I see a naked picture of a beautiful man.” That was pretty much a defining moment in my personal understanding of sexuality. It is an unconscious physical and emotional reaction to an external stimulus, over which you have absolutely no control.

—Picture: Flickr/Bill Taroli

Martyn is part of the Family Justice Network. The views expressed in this article are a personal perspective.

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What does Lynx gay kiss advert say about the changing nature of masculinity?

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Lynx, one of the world’s most shamelessly heterosexual brands, has shocked consumers in Australia with an advert that includes a gay kiss.

The male grooming brand claims to be be used by “over 8 million blokes across UK and Ireland” every day.

 

It has proudly positioned itself as a brand that “helps guys get the girls” by producing “products that guys love” and  “ads that quickly become part of the British guy’s psyche”.

http://youtu.be/qmdlPBY7c8U

So is this a sign that the male psyche is now a bit more bisexual than it once was? Is modern masculinity more willing to accept that heterosexual sex isn’t the only way to enjoy your lynxed-up body?

Lynx’s previous adverts have shown the incredible power of the “Lynx effect” to turn average men into irresistible sex gods who cause angels to fall from the heavens, mermaids to drag them into the sea and thousands of bikini-clad babes to charge after them.

Celebration of heterosexuality 

The brand  is an unapologetic celebration of young, male hetereosexuality—until now. The latest offering from the laddiest of man brand’s shows a man on a sofa flicking through TV channels, showing clips of all the things he should do to celebrate his masculinity while he’s still got his youth.

The suggestions include “go out, see amazing things, get an amazing job, kiss the hottest girl, or the hottest boy, experiment with your hair and learn from your mistakes.”

The suggestion to “kiss the hottest girl, or the hottest boy” are accompanied by our hero in a film noir scene first pulling a hot girl to his lips and then turning away from her to  kissing a hot boy.

The advert has run in Australia and has attracted some great comments on the Lynx YouTube channel which include:

“Man, cool advert… I like many of Lynx’s scents, but never normally buy them as I’m normally turned off by Lynx’s desperate-and-horny-teenage-hetero-boy vibe in their adverts, but this advert was pretty cool especially vis-a-vis who you could kiss… may have to rethink my self-imposed ban on buying Lynx!”

“Kiss a girl or a boy! YAY you guys rock! That’s such a positive message, kiss who you want it’s all good. I saw this add on telly and automatically found it on here so I could share it with all my friends.”

“So I saw this feminism advocate comment about pushing away a woman to kiss a man… CALM DOWN WOMAN. CALM YOURSELF. You’re such a sexist freak.”

Can masculinity be a bit gay?

Masculinity has often been conceived as a homophobic construct. In 1976, for example, David & Brannon proposed that there were four standard rules for traditional, American masculinity. These included

Rule 1: No sissy stuff—distance yourself from femininity, avoid emotions, be homophobic

Who would though that masculine Lynx, whose adverts have previously been banned for objectifying women, would present homosexuality as standard expression of masculinity.

Certainly not the gay website Pink News which has described the advert as “a step forward for the men’s deodorant and haircare giant, which normally only depicts straight men, and their quests to attract more women”.

What do you think? Is the inclusion of a gay kiss in a Lynx a positive sign that men are being given more choice in how they express their masculinity or another example of the creeping feminisation of men? We’d love to hear from you in the comments section below.

Article by Glen Poole author of the book Equality For Men

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Suicidal 18-year-old labeled ‘a drama queen’ by a doctor before he killed himself

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A harrowing story in the Telegraph over the weekend described how a severely depressed 18-year-old man — who made 40 attempts to take his own life — was labelled “a drama queen” by a doctor before he went on to kill himself.

That throw-away three-word quote, said more about the deep cultural prejudices that underpin male suicide than was mentioned in the rest of the article’s 1,500-words put together.

As an implicitly homophobic insult deployed to humiliate gay and straight men alike, the words encapsulate the gendered shame still imposed on young men who express weakness or distress.

The fact that men are humiliated for somehow being “less of a man” for showing emotion, goes a long way to explain why suicide is now the leading cause of death for 20 to 40-year-old men in the UK, a rate that’s three to four times that of women.

Young gay men even more at risk

But the implied homophobia of the insult also helps to explain why the suicide rate of young gay men is even higher still.

A 2012 survey by Stonewall Scotland, suggested gay men in Scotland were nearly eight times more likely to have attempted suicide in the past year than heterosexual men.

It seems that the further a young man deviates from the expected rules of the masculine role – to be tough, straight and stoical – the greater the shame that’s imposed upon him.

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of a health professional effectively telling a young man at risk of suicide to “man up”.

Several years ago I reported on the suicide of a 26-year-old man from Manchester who’d hung himself in the woods by a motorway slip road.

His sister told me that when he had visited his GP, her brother was told to “pull himself together and not expect everyone to do everything for him”.

By Dan Bell

Photo courtesy: Mic445

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Saying “that’s so gay” doesn’t make young men homophobic

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Is it homophobic to say “that’s so gay”? There are instances where it isn’t argues Mark McCormack from Durham University in an article orginally published at The Conversation.

The phrase “that’s so gay” has traditionally been understood as homophobic. Stonewall’s School Report argued this position, and it will be discussed in their upcoming Education Conference.

Stonewall argues that the phrase has a harmful effect on young lesbian, gay and bisexual people’s education and well-being. Yet the initial findings from my interviews with 40 gay youth from four universities suggests a more complex picture, with no clear agreement on what the phrase means or its effects.

Consider Joe, a 19-year-old gay student at an elite university. He said: “I think it breaks down barriers between the straight and gay community… I use it a lot.” Similarly, Neil, gay and aged 18, said: “I don’t find it derogatory in any way, probably because I say it as well.”

How are we to understand a phrase that older people find homophobic, but many younger people do not find offensive and even use themselves? We can only get to an answer by listening to the voices of young people and trying to understand their perspectives.

Context, meaning and understanding

My interest in the phrase “that’s so gay” developed when I researched straight male students at sixth form colleges. These young men had openly gay friends, supported gay rights and condemned homophobia. Yet several of them would also say “that’s so gay” when frustrated. Given that labelling these students homophobic would be ridiculous, it was vital to consider how they were using this language and the reasons why.

All of the men in my research insisted that they did not intend to be homophobic when they used the phrase. For them, gay had two distinct meanings which they were able to distinguish between – when it refers to sexual identity and when it refers, separately, to something being “rubbish”. Importantly, linguistic research supports their claims. Language has evolved and “gay” means something different to younger generations in particular contexts.

I argued that straight men’s use of phrases like “that’s so gay” could only be understood by three key factors: first, the intent with which it was said; second, the social context (homophobic or otherwise); and third, the effect it had. In other words, if there is no evidence of harm, it is difficult to argue that it is damaging.

When it comes to language use, context is all-important. “That’s so gay” can be homophobic if it is said with negative intent or within a homophobic environment. But when it is said in settings where sexual minorities are out, proud and socially included, and heterosexual men are friends with their openly gay peers, it takes on different meanings. In such a context it is not homophobic.

This argument was supported by the narratives of many of the 40 young gay people in a study I am undertaking with colleagues at Durham University. Most participants have argued that the context of the phrase determined their opinions of it: it was the manner in which it was said, along with their relationship to the speaker, which influenced how they heard the phrase.

‘I don’t like it, but I also say it’

In the debates about “that’s so gay”, it is important to recognise that gay youths also use the phrase. This was a recurring theme in the interviews, with Fred stating: “I say it all the time, it’s how you say you’re pissed off.” Others had more doubt, with Lee commenting: “I don’t like it, but I also say it.”

Only a minority of participants – less than a third – thought that the phrase was homophobic, and even fewer said that they never used it. Most of the young gay people in my study felt “that’s so gay” would only be homophobic if it was directed at a gay person, and with negative intent.

So there is no easy answer to whether “that’s so gay” is homophobic. It depends on the age of the people saying and hearing it, the intent with which it is said, and the context in which it is said. The meanings and effects of the phrase will also be different if it is aimed at a person or used as a more general expression of frustration.

There is also a clear generational difference, with younger people having markedly different understandings to older people.

Bigger battles

Homophobic hate crimes are classified as such if the victim believes it to be so. It follows that the opposite should also be true. If young gay people are saying that they do not experience the phrase “that’s so gay” as homophobic – and if they are even using the phrase themselves – then perhaps we should accept their arguments and concentrate on other battles.

It is vital that we combat homophobia in schools, and promote equality of sexuality. Stonewall has many resources that are helpful in combatting the privileging of heterosexuality. Straight people and sexual minorities must work together to achieve equality of sexuality.

But focusing on the phrase “that’s so gay” is not the way to achieve that goal. If we spent more time fighting for a holistic sex education in schools, and less time policing the meaning of contested words, our schools would be more inclusive spaces for all students.

Mark McCormack does not work for, consult to, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has no relevant affiliations. He is co-director of the Centre for Sex, Gender and Sexualities at Durham University, a member of the editorial board of the Journal for LGBT Youth and has worked with EACH (Education Actino Challenging Homophobia) co-writing guidelines on homophobic bullying for an English local authority.  

This article was originally published on The Conversation. Read the original article.

Tell us what you think? Do you agree with Mark or do you think his line of reasoning is “a bit gay”? 

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—Photo credit: flickr/homoerectus

Can underpants be gay?

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Ever since buying a pair of pink underpants, Glen Poole has been wondering “does my bum look gay in these?”

I had a bit of shock in the underwear department this week. I was making my annual shopping trip to my favourite Italian tailor, Signor T K Maxximus, when I was struck by a wall of colour in the shape of 4,000 packs of end-of-line pink underpants. Sensing a bargain I quickly checked if the aforementioned pants met my two criteria:

a) Have they got them in large?

b) Are they the cheapest pair in the shop?

With those two boxes well and truly ticked I picked up my new undies and headed for the tills, proud that I had fulfilled my annual pant-buying duties in record time. Indeed I was so proud of myself that I shared the news of my purchase with my immediate circle of straight friends (male and female) and was immediately ridiculed for buying “gay underpants”.

Don’t google gay pants at work

I never knew there was such a thing as a gay underpant, but having googled the subject (something you definitely shouldn’t do at work) I now have a much clearer idea of what constitutes a “gay pant” and the unifying theme seems to be that they leave very little to the imagination. In contrast, my new undies do a very thorough job of keeping everything under wraps.

I put this to my friends and discovered that it’s not the cut of my pants that makes them “a bit gay”, it’s the colour—and they should know because they’re all big experts on gay culture because having once seem John Inman in Mother Goose at the Worthing Pavilion Theatre back in the 1970s.

So now I’m worried about the potential consequences of a being a straight man in gay pants. Does letting a pair of gay pants hug my buttocks all day make me unfaithful to my partner (who is heterosexual by the way)? When the annual Pride festival returns to my city in three weeks time, will I be mobbed by gay men seeking to repatriate my gay underpants so they can spend the rest of their days living amongst their own kind?  And most worrying of all, what if my body rejects these trans pants?

Is there a serious point here? 

I am, of course, being playful, but  there is—I am sure—a serious point to be made here if onIy  I could just focus for one pink brief moment. Bear with me and I’ll give it a go……..

I think there are certain things that straight men take for granted—like the freedom to show affection to your partner in public without fearing you be the subject of unwanted attention or abuse.

There are also certain things that women take for granted—like the freedom to experience and express a broad range of emotions without question; showing physical affection to friends of the same sex and watching the latest series of Glee—simple activities like these are off-limits for many men.

Glad to be straight 

So when someone tells me that my pink underpants are gay I wonder what the thinking is behind such beliefs and comments.

Are they being a bit homophobic, by suggesting that being gay is a bad thing to be? Are they being a bit sexist towards women, by suggesting that being feminine has less value than being masculine? Or are they being a bit sexist towards men by suggesting that men should be limited to a narrow range of choices when it comes to expressing ourselves—like being tough, being emotionless and only ever dressing in dull, dark or neutral colours?

Whatever it is that leads people to think that pink underwear is just for women and gay men , I personally refuse to be oppressed in the pants department. I don’t care if you think my pink underpants are good friends of Dorothy. My pants and I are glad to be straight and I will continue to wear my pink underpants with pride……..though not necessarily AT Pride.

Tell us what you think. Are pink pants gay pants? Why do some people think pink underpants are gay? And most importantly, would you be happy to wear a pair of pink underpants?