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Robin Williams’ tragic suicide aged 63 highlighted middle-aged men’s rising suicide rates. How does depression hit older men?

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Robin Williams was 63-years-old when he killed himself — at an age you might have thought he would have left behind the most tormented years of his life. But both depression and suicide are rising among middle-aged men. Here Roger Jones of the Older Men’s Network explains the some of the issues that impact on older men’s mental health.

It is very easy to assume that when we talk about mental health and older people we are talking about Dementia. But 1 in 4 older people will experience a mental well being issue this year.

More women are diagnosed with depression than men, however it is acknowledged that this is because men are less likely to seek help, which leads to a greater threat of the depression getting a more severe hold and in some cases leading to suicide.

Statistics from The Mental Health Foundation tell us that the number of middle aged men and older men taking their own lives has risen over the last few years, with over 1,000 men aged 50+ killing themselves every year in England and Wales.

500,000 older UK men live alone

What is more, most older people with depression are never diagnosed and do not receive any treatment for their depression, even if they have seen their GP.

Sometimes this is because they may present to GPs with a physical problem but the underlying issue is a mental health difficulty such as depression. Instead, if they get help, they rely on informal support such as family, friends and community groups.

Social isolation reduces the amount of informal support available, increases the risk of developing depression, and reduces the quality of life for older men — and around 500,000 older men live on their own in the UK.

The most isolated older men are those aged over 75 and those who are living alone — this is particularly the case if they are widowed or divorced. Bereavement or loss — which might include loss of income, role and status associated with retirement — leaves older men particularly vulnerable to mental ill health. Some widowers find that without their wife or partner who may have acted as their “social secretary” it can be hard to maintain friendships. Older men with families and children are also less likely to be in touch with them than older women.

‘It can be difficult for them to accept help’

Deterioration in physical health and mobility associated with growing older also makes people vulnerable to mental health problems. Even for people in long term relationships, there may be risks to their mental health if they are involved in increasing caring responsibilities, particularly if they are caring for a partner with dementia or other chronic conditions.

Whilst there are many good community-based services for older people, older men are less likely to use them than women, particularly if they are isolated and living alone.

Many older men are reluctant to take part in groups or services like day centres, seeing them as being for women or the very old and dependent. When men have spent their lives independently or have seen themselves in the role of the family provider, it can be difficult for them to accept help.

The groups and activities that the Older Men’s Network facilitate always aim to support Older Men to have fun, make friends and give them something to look forward to.

‘Men find a common bond’

We always try to train some of the men in the groups as Older Men’s Champions who are more aware of the problems an older man will face and they can then support them or signpost them as needed.

Although we are aiming to get older men more active so they can live a healthier and more fulfilled later life, we always need to be aware that men also need support around their mental health.

We all have a physical health and we all have a mental health – sometimes they are in good condition sometimes they are not. We need to be aware that when our mental health is not so good we need to talk to someone about it.

Talking and sharing problems is one of the best ways to address this and a big part of the Champions training is about encouraging the guys in the groups to feel it’s OK to share their thoughts and feelings. This doesn’t happen on day one of course, but as the men bond and friendships develop and the men find a common bond the opportunities to off load are there.

We will never be able to deal with all cases of depression in men but if we can build opportunities and avenues for men to share their feelings, and raise awareness in campaigns which men can relate to without stigma then maybe we can start to save more lives.

By Roger Jones, National Manager, National Older Men’s Network

Photo courtesy: Cristian Stefanescu

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The taboo of eating disorders in men — one man’s story of his battle with bulimia

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How do you explain to someone that you don’t feel right? How do you explain a mental health problem to someone when you are unsure if you really have one yourself?

—This is article #44 in our series of #100Voices4Men and boys 

This was how I was feeling during my adolescent years. I always felt as though there was a missing piece of jigsaw inside me. I was a child whose own Father had walked out, never to be seen again. Was this a trigger? But that was when I was three and here I was at twelve feeling that the only way I could begin to put that jigsaw together was through an eating disorder.

Was the fact that I was now self-harming, in a way making up for what I believed was just me not feeling right for years mentally? These were important years and I didn’t have my biological father there to guide me, was this finally taking its toll on me? I needed and wanted to escape the feeling of being rejected as a baby, but I didn’t understand the full concept of that until I was much older, my way of doing so was to become a young man coping and learning how to deal with bulimia.

A vicious circle of destruction

To the outside world I was a happy child, but if you were to look back now you would say that I was also very needy. I liked to be liked, we all do, but rejection was hard for me to handle. If I felt rejected then my bulimia would increase, if I felt worthless then the intrusive thoughts in later years would increase and then stabilise, to the point of me wanting to get my own back on my pain by secretly continuing with my bulimia. My body and mind felt trapped in a viscous circle of destruction.

When I was a young man and experiencing an eating disorder, I learned to stay in control of when, where and how often I would fall into my dark moments. But keeping my eating disorder secret had an adverse effect on my mental state, so something had to give and for me that led to me becoming more depressed and having intrusive thoughts about ending my life.

One day those thoughts all became too much and after spending time in a mental health hospital, I decided that I had to change. I had to remember what I had around me and not what was taken away from me, and that I had the love of my family.

Learning to love yourself

My other love was music and for me listening to music in hospital made me learn to really listen to it. In a place with complete chaos at times I would take myself off to my room, play music and forget the world. I’d remind myself that the one person who could really help me become well again was me. Instead of wanting love from a person who clearly didn’t want to give it to me, I learned to channel the love I wanted myself.

Things for me are now different, I turn all my past lived experience into being a mental health nurse and, understanding what it is like to become suffocated in your own deep thoughts, I help others who are going through something similar.

Eating disorders in men, just like depression, should not be a taboo subject. I hope that by raising awareness, others will be encouraged to seek professional help too. After all, if we really care for or friends and family then we should learn to read between the lines and see when they need help too.

It’s not that easy I know but when you’re experiencing a mental health problem you want those people to understand what you are going through before you can begin to find that road to recovery. It is a hard one, but acceptance of mental health really can be that simple.

By Craig Edwards

Photo courtesy: Daniel Oines

Article originally published at www.mind.org.uk

For more information about eating disorders in men and resources on how to find support, visit Men Get Eating Disorders Too

You can find all of the #100Voices4Men articles that will be published in the run up to International Men’s Day 2014 by clicking on this link—#100Voices4Men—and follow the discussion on twitter by searching for #100Voices4Men.

The views expressed in these articles are not the views of insideMAN editorial team. Whether you agree with the views expressed in this article or not we invite you to take take part in this important discussion, our only request is that you express yourself in a way that ensures everyone’s voice can be heard.

You can join the #100Voices4Men discussion by commenting below; by following us on Twitter @insideMANmag and Facebook or by emailing insideMANeditor@gmail.com. 

 

 

 

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