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Five things I’ve loved about my first year as a dad

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Daddy Blogger, Ryan Costello, shares the five things he has loved most about his first year as a dad.

I can’t quite believe that I’ve surpassed the 12-month mark on this parenting journey, remain relatively unscathed and able to tell the story! Time really does travel fast. If I’ve learnt one thing about fatherhood, it’s that it’s something entirely impossible to understand until you actually become a Dad yourself. It changes your outlook on life, your emotional make up, your priorities… it alters everything. I love being a Dad. I’m aware that I’m only a year in, and I know it will change and change again, but I know enough to know that I love it. Here’re a few of my favourite things about being a Dad based on my first year:

ONE: LAUGHING

Laughing with your child is the most magical thing. A baby’s laugh is my favourite sound, but my own baby’s laugh is the most special sound in the whole world. That all encompassing, mouth open and sometimes soundless-but-help-I-can’t-breathe laugh is the holy grail of holy grails in life… and it’s even better when you’ve made it happen.

TWO: FEELING LOVED

There are those unavoidable horrendous days that we all have from time to time. When you’ve had a terrible day at work and you feel like the whole world is out to get you. Most normal people just go to bed early, or reach for a bottle of their favourite drink.

Being a Dad is awesome on days like those. Coming home, opening the door and watching your son stop what he’s doing and break into a smile because he’s so genuinely happy to see you disperses all of those storm clouds and makes the day sunny again.

We’ve finally got Clayton fully sleep trained and now every morning starts with one of those ‘Oh my goodness, I haven’t seen you for 10 whole hours, where have you been?’ moments. He stands in his cot and jumps up and down in excitement, just because you’ve walked in the room. What beats feeling loved by someone you love with all of your being?

THREE: DISCOVERY

I feel extremely privileged to be able to rediscover this world in which we live through the eyes of my child. Everything is new to him and needs exploring and I love guiding him and encouraging him on his journey of discovery. Watching Clayton’s reactions as he sees, touches, experiences and learns about things for the first time brings me an unprecedented amount of happiness. As he grows more and more curious and his senses develop, there is an adventure to be had at every corner and I’m grateful that Clayton allows me to join his expeditions from time to time.

FOUR: FATHERHOOD

Having a child gives you the licence to be a child yourself whenever it takes your fancy (so long as your child is there of course! I don’t mean you can just break out the lego in the middle of a work meeting). Playing with toys, acting silly, pulling faces and singing songs is my new favourite hobby and why not? The reaction you get from the giggling mini version of yourself makes the game twice as much fun as it was last time you played it.

FIVE: PERSPECTIVE

I could already see signs of it during my wife’s pregnancy, but since becoming a Father my heart has been softened. I’m much more emotional and happier for it. Since being able to call myself a Dad a lot of things that used to matter, don’t anymore and I love that. It doesn’t matter what your passion is, how tied up you are in your career or own ego… fatherhood literally melts your heart, makes you cry, smile, breaks you into pieces and puts you together again as a different being.

I’m thankful for everything that has happened during the last 12 months and excited for the discoveries, challenges and bumps along the road ahead. The person I have started to develop into since becoming a Dad is one that I like the look of and am relishing continuing the evolution.

I can honestly say that I have no idea how I filled my time before Clayton came along and wouldn’t swap Fatherhood for my old life for all the money in the world. It’s not always easy (and I like that sometimes) but this first year has taught me that parenting is the most rewarding, privileged job out there.  I hope to continue to grow with my children and to do the challenge of fatherhood at least ‘some’ justice.

—Photo: Dad Creek

To hear more from Ryan Costello check out his blog Up Dad Creek Without a Paddle  and follow him on Twitter @costyy2k

 

In the run up to launch of the film Down Dog on 14 February, insideMAN is running a series of articles about fatherhood and we’d love you to get involved. You can join the conversation on twitter by using the hashtag #MenBehavingDADly; leave a comment in the section below or email us with your thoughts and ideas for articles to insideMANeditor@gmail.com.

For more information about the film see www.downdogfilm.com

Can today’s dads help create a future free from prejudice?

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What’s it like for a dad to bring up children in world filled with prejudice? Ryan Costello, a daddy blogger from Oxfordshire, shares his thoughts on the matter.

–This is article #6 in our series of #100Voices4Men and boys

Discrimination infuriates me! Stereotypes, narrow minded people and preachers of all that is bad in this world infuriate me. Just because we have taken steps forward in the eyes of the media; racism is alive and well… as is homophobia, prejudice, harassment and ridiculing people based on something ‘they’ don’t believe to be normal. What is normal? It’s the fact that we’re all different that makes our diverse planet such an enjoyable place (for the most part) to travel, see and be a part of.

I’m a Dad now to 2 young and beautiful children and as I’ve said many times before, becoming a parent changes your outlook on life. I see them discovering things for the very first time every day and it’s a beautiful thing. But I also see the bad side of life on Earth and I can’t help but want to wrap my children up and protect them from it. Every day I see, read or experience some form of discrimination. Before becoming a Dad, I wouldn’t have taken as much notice as I do today but it infuriates me.

My son has a large ‘port wine stain’ whch he was born with on his leg and face. It’s a birth mark and hampers him in no way at all… it makes him who he is and I barely even acknowledge it when I look at him. That being said, I worry every day that other, more hateful, less educated people will feel the need to point it out and make out that it is something negative in the future. Because there are more people in the world without birth marks on their face than there are that do have them, does that make it abnormal? Does that make him different in a way worse than anyone else is different from the next person? The fact that he could be victim to hate over something he had no choice over and that is completely innocent upsets me greatly.

Discrimination in Disneyworld

My daughter suffered an injury during childbirth. She had her scalp badly damaged and the doctors couldn’t tell us whether or not she would ever have hair grow on a large proportion of her head. In actual fact, the injury was merely cosmetic and now her hair is growing fine. But the point is that when we learned that, we instantly feared for her future. We thought that a girl who couldn’t grow hair would be hampered in life, and be subject to prejudice. The fact that we even thought that at all is wrong!

I visited Disneyworld as a child for the first time, almost 20 years ago now and an incident from my time there has stuck with me ever since. Disneyworld bills itself as being the happiest place on earth and for the most part, I’d agree. I’m a huge fan. But even the happiest place on earth isn’t without its share of hateful people.

It was pushing 100 degrees that day and there was no escaping the humid, intense heat. Two complete strangers were walking alongside us right in front of Cinderella’s castle talking about being desperate for a frozen treat to cool off with. They sounded genuinely relieved to spy an ice cream stand up ahead. Then the male half of the couple realised that the employee working that ice cream stand was black. They decided that they would rather stay hot and be without ice cream than have “a n***** handle their food”.

It’s tough being gay

That incident has stuck with me all this time. My son’s Godmother and one of our very best friends is Nigerian and black. It angers me that there are people in the world so uneducated that they believe an ice cream sold to them by a black hands as opposed to a white one will be any different. It angers me that someone I care about may have, does or will experience that kind of hatred first hand.

My brother is gay. He is openly, happily gay and why wouldn’t he be? It makes him no different from the next person. In fact, if anything it makes him better. The fact that he is different, embraces it and lives bravely amongst a prejudice population makes him a stronger individual than most. But he didn’t come out and be openly gay for quite some time, and I know that he’s not the only one that felt fearful of being different than the so called norm when it comes to sexual orientation.

How many people still live a lie or in fear? The thought of a child of mine living in that kind of fear gives me anxiety. I can’t sit still thinking about it, it bothers me that much. I declare now that I will make sure that both of my children know every single day that I will always love them no matter what. Unconditionally.

I want my kids to be different

One of the hardest parts about being a parent is already being old enough to know that the world isn’t fair. I hope to be able to teach my children that in the most sensitive way possible. There is no place for hate. I’m afraid that I don’t think a day will ever come when people won’t be judged on their appearance, sexual orientation, race or gender. But what I can do as a parent is ensure that my children are educated well enough to not add themselves to the list of people that prey on people for being different.

I actually WANT my children to be different in their own way and never fear the opinion of someone else. The children of this world deserve to grow up knowing that they deserve to be loved, no matter what and it shouldn’t be dependent on anything but them being themselves. Whether your skin is black, white, yellow or has a birthmark plastered across is… your skin is as beautiful as anybody else’s.

Children are the most innocent beings. No one is born racist or with the ability to make an assumption based on someone’s appearance. Becoming a parent is the greatest privilege known to mankind and we must be grateful for the opportunity to raise the next generation. We as parents have a responsibility to raise our children, leading by example. Only we can shape the future and help put a stop to the hate that we are surrounded by.

—Picture credit: Flickr/DryHundredFear 

To hear more from Ryan Costello check out his blog Up Dad Creek Without a Paddle  and follow him on Twitter @costyy2k

You can find all of the #100Voices4Men articles that will be published in the run up to International Men’s Day 2014 by clicking on this link—#100Voices4Men—and follow the discussion on twitter by searching for #100Voices4Men.

The views expressed in these articles are not the views of insideMAN editorial team. Whether you agree with the views expressed in this article or not we invite you to take take part in this important discussion, our only request is that you express yourself in a way that ensures everyone’s voice can be heard.

You can join the #100Voices4Men discussion by commenting below; by following us on Twitter @insideMANmag and Facebook or by emailing insideMANeditor@gmail.com.