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We need to take a stand for men’s issues in 2015

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If we want to make a difference for men and boys we need to take a stand in 2015 says Mark Brooks of the ManKind Initiative.

We all know there are a multitude of challenges facing those of us who work, volunteer and advocate for charities working to overcome the problems and barriers that men and boys face. Two challenges we regularly face are the exclusion of men and boys in the public story (often on purpose, which is a form of discrimination by omission) and also the problem of Straw Man arguments. There were examples of both of these at play in Parliament this month.

Discrimination by Omission

This discrimination by omission phenomena is more often than not created deliberately, but then is unknowingly taken on, unchallenged and accepted as a truth – especially if it fits snugly into an accepted political framework (men=bad, women=good).

The exclusion from the public story can be seen in discussions where a debate affects men and boys as well as women and girls. It doesn’t matter whether women and girls are the main victims (eg sexual violence, domestic abuse etc) or if  men and boys suffer the most (eg educational attainment), the debate is focussed women and girls either way–if there is a debate at all (eg homelessness, suicide, family law, male cancer etc).

The recent debate here at insideMAN about the Guardian’s exclusion of including boys in the circumcision debate is one example of discrimination by omission.

Straw Men

Straw Man arguments are those to try and misrepresent the views and/or actions of people as a means of attacking them. Last year te ManKind Initiative video, ViolenceIsViolence, was successful at raising awareness of our double standards around violence between men and women. The video demonstrated how the public is more tolerant of violence by women against men.   An article on the blog “we hunted the mammoth” claiming our video was a fraud, is a classic example of a  Straw Man argument.

Parliamentary Business

This month in Parliament there were two clear examples of discrimination by omission and straw men arguments.

Firstly, there was the First Reading of the Equal Pay (Transparency) Bill proposed by Sarah Champion MP. The purpose of the Bill is to ensure the employers with more than 250 employees publish data on the pay differences between male and female workers. The government already have the powers to force companies to do so under the Equality Act 2010 but they have chosen so far not to invoke the powers. The Bill went through to its Second Reading with 258 voting yes with 8 noes.

We can debate the gender pay gap for hours and whether it is due to lifestyle choice vis a vis the family unit or direct discrimination but if the debate and the Bill were really about equal pay for everyone then why was there no mention that men between 22 and 39 are on average paid less than women.

This gap will surely grow as in the very same week, UCAS highlighted the gender university gap whereby 34% of 18 year old women go to university but only 26% men – the equivalent of 32,000 missing males. Ironically in Rotherham, Ms Champion’s constituency, 24% of 18 year old women go to university and only 14% of men, a gender university gap of 42%.

So was the debate really about just equality and ending discrimination because if so the debate and the Bill’s intention would not have omitted the statistics above. And was it also a Straw Man to paint men in a bad light as if we all sit in smoke filled boardrooms actively discriminating against women?

Excluding male victims of domestic violence from help

The following day, another Bill was proposed this time the Women’s Refuges (Provision and Eligibility) Bill 2014-15.

And as can be seen by the debate, it did what it said on the tin and failed to recognise the awful situation in the UK where for male victims and their children there are only just over 50 safe house/refuge places run by 11 organisations.

There are huge swathes of the UK – London, North West, Scotland, East Anglia for example, where there is not one place (London has nothing for heterosexual men). I recognise there are not enough places for female victims but to ignore male victims and fail to call for provision for men in the same way as for women shows another clear cut example of discrimination by omission. It is a straw man argument as it suggests that only men commit domestic abuse. How can this Bill be about equality when it purposely ignores 40% of domestic abuse victims?

So what we do about it?

For me, 2015 has to be the year where those of us I mentioned at the start of the article have to be bolder in speaking up for our causes and challenging those who ignore them – whether on purpose or through the belief in what they have been told is true or the full story. As set out in a previous article for iNsideMan, there are ways to address this, but the examples from this month shows we have to up the ante – we have no choice, we have to speak up on behalf of those we fight for.

—Picture credit: Flickr/Karen Roe

Mark Brooks is Chair of The ManKind Initiative, a charity that helps and advocates for male victims of domestic violence. Follow them on twitter @ManKindInit.

The views expressed in this article are not necessarily the views of insideMAN editorial team. Whether you agree with the views expressed in this article or not we invite you to take take part in this important discussion, our only request is that you express yourself in a way that ensures everyone’s voice can be heard.

Why deliberately alienating a father from his child is domestic abuse

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Mark Brooks, chair of The ManKind Initiative that supports male victims of domestic violence says it’s time that separated mothers who use their children to control and abuse their ex are recognised as perpetrators of domestic abuse.

The ManKind Initiative recently responded to the Home Office’s review to make domestic abuse laws tougher by creating a specific offence that included coercive control in an intimate relationship.

It can be argued and may have that there are already laws covering this including stalking and harassment legislation so why would should there be new laws? It is a fair point but to ensure there is clarity for the police, prosecutors and juries that coercion was an act of domestic abuse we took the view that it needed to be spelt out.

The key features that we put in our submission were to call for the inclusion, definition and recognition of a number of key issues that are male victim centric. For far too many fathers across the UK these themes are all too familiar, yet unrecognised. As if they are taboos and anti-PC so you are not allowed to say anything, but the ManKind Initiative has never been afraid of speaking truth to power.

The three themes we demand are included:

1)             It will reduce the ‘believability threshold’ for male victims to the same level for female victims. This is broadly because while the statutory sector will recognise physical injuries on a male, they will not so readily accept or recognise non-physical ‘controlling or coercive’ behaviour on a man.

2)             The threat and actual use of false allegations of domestic abuse is itself a domestic abuse crime. This also includes the threat and actual use of false allegations of child abuse.

3)             Parental alienation by the parent with “custody” (normally the mother) when couples separate

On the last point, the charity believes that where a family court has issued a contact order that provides for a parent (normally a father) to have prescribed contact periods with his children and that there is a clear pattern where the contact order is deliberately broken and repeatedly so, this should be classed and recognised as a ‘controlling and coercive behaviour’.

It should therefore be deemed as domestic abuse. This is because it ‘regulates the everyday behaviour of the victim’ and also ‘punishes the victim’. As the Home Office domestic abuse definition includes partners who have been in an intimate relationship, we believe this will apply.

The effect of repeatedly breaching contact orders is that it forms a pattern of control and coercion by the perpetrator (the person with custody of the children) and the victim (non-custodial parent). At one level, this includes the continual and purposeful disruption of the life of the non-custodial parent. This ranges from the continual last minute cancellation of agreed appointments (agreed by the Family Law court) for child contact, to the constant need and cost of going back to the Family Law court to enforce already agreed contact orders. This controlling and coercive behaviour will also have a negative effect on the children and the relationship they have with the non-custodial parent.

Our view from the experiences on the helpline which takes 1500 calls every year is that the threat and use of false allegations and the use of children as pawns are becoming “weapons of choice” for female perpetrators of domestic abuse. We recognise it and fathers recognise it – our job is to ensure the justice system recognises it too.

—Photo Credit: flickr/Mike Licht

Mark Brooks is Chair of The ManKind Initiative, a charity that helps and advocates for male victims of domestic violence. Follow them on twitter @ManKindInit.

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The views expressed in this article are not necessarily the views of the insideMAN editorial team. Whether you agree with the views expressed in this article or not we invite you to to join the conversation about men, masculinity and manhood. Our only request is that you express yourself in a way that ensures everyone’s voice can be heard.

My 12 point plan to fight for equality for men and boys

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This article is based on a talk delivered by Mark Brooks of the The Mankind Initiative at the Second National Conference for Men and Boys in Brighton in 2012.

—This is article #85 in our series of #100Voices4Men and boys 

Everyone who works in the “men’s sector” knows there are many areas of life where men and boys face inequality—health, education, homelessness, criminal justice, suicide rates, crime and violence to name but a few.

Yet the quest to make our voice heard seems impossible at times. It is almost as if male inequality is invisible and when it is known, those with power do not little or nothing to address or recognise it.

The government’s new gender equality survey is a case in point where one gender does not seem to be included. Men’s issues were notable by their absence from the recent party political conferences where none of the fringe meetings at the three main parties tackled male-related issues – there were plenty on female related issues which is not a problem, but none on men’s issues.

There is no public voice on male victims, the political class are not interested, so we have to speak up ourselves.

But none of us should rely on others to make the case, to make a noise and create the solutions, we have to do it ourselves. This applies to all men and women who are concerned with the issues that face men and boys, for whatever reason. Those of us who men’s charities must help and encourage others to speak out.

So why is no one paying enough attention to what can we as campaigners, supporters and service providers do more?

Take three issues (of many) from cradle to the grave:

Education: Boys continue to fall way behind girls at every level of education – 8.8 percentage points behind girls at GCSE and 333,000 women applied for university places to start this month against 246,000 boys. On the latter, we can already see the outcome when it comes to the numbers entering the professions.

But who in the government or the education establishment is actually seriously talking about it or doing anything of substance and scale to tackle it?

Homelessness: No one debates or discusses homelessness as a largely male issue (Crisis say 84% of single homeless people are men), and who is providing the solution on why men are more prevalent to be homeless than women, and what are the solutions for both genders. Is Homelessness not on the agenda because it is male issue?

Suicide: The last area is suicide and we know that 77% of all suicides are male with 4,590 men committing suicide in 2012. Yet there is political silence on the issue. CALM are doing a great job at raising the issue and it is about time the government listened more. Why is not at the top of the political agenda?

So what to do? Outlined below is a brief 12 point plan – which I outlined at the National Men and Boys conference two years ago. More detail of course is needed, but it is a start and I hope to do more work on it over the next year. Much may be granny sucking eggs so forgive me, if so.

(1)           Provide and create solutions: We can’t be just ‘keyboard warriors’ and campaigners, we have to set up charities and organisations that provide services to support men and boys. To solve the need for support services ourselves. We have to campaign, complain and create. Lead by example. Don’t rely on others. The brilliant Working for Men is an example to us all.

(2)           Use of the language of the public sector: Like any institution it has its own language and codes. To get in the tent there is a need to use the language of the public sector and use it to our advantage by showing that services need to be provided for men and boys. It then becomes even more powerful. The term ‘equality’ and ‘based on need’ are such powerful tools. It is why I refer to the work we do as being equality and needs based, not rights based.

(3)           Strike the right tone: Sadly people only take in 20% of what you say, but 80% of how you say it. As someone from Sahf Eest Lahndan I understand it acutely. And tone is important – be positive, be charming and rightly be supportive of the good work that supports women and girls. Confrontation only works in certain rare circumstances.

(4)           Include women in the solutions, stories and examples: The gender of the people who advocate for men and boys should not matter, but it does. Fighting for equality, recognition and services for men and boys in a ‘sector’ that is dominated by women and is 90% focussed on women (the only focus on men is often because ‘men are the problem’) means having female voices advocating for men and boys is very powerful. It often produces a ‘double take reaction’ and even our charity manager has been questioned about why she is involved at the ManKind Initiative. Erin Pizzey, Jane Powell and Karen Woodall are brilliant examples of women advocating for men.

On the public story front, also use examples which will resonate with the sectors’ ears. As part of my domestic abuse narrative I always try to include mothers and sisters of male victims, and of course, a victim’s daughters.

(5)           Case studies: As a PR man, facts and campaign slogans are one thing but nothing brings a story or campaign to life better than real life examples. They are also brilliant for challenging those who oppose support for what you are campaigning for especially if there is a female element to the case study. If this week I get challenged about male victims I will point people to this story.

(6)           Use the laws we have: This could be a book in itself, but there are two vital pieces of legislation in the equality campaigner’s toolkit.

The first is the Equality Act 2010 which in a nutshell means that all public bodies have to end discrimination against those with protected characteristics (gender being one) and how different people will be affected by their activities. The Act helps them to deliver policies and services to meet the needs of those with protected characteristics. This means, under the Public Sector Equality Duty which forms part of this law, councils, police forces, the health service etc have to ensure they support men and boys not only in a general sense but also is a specific sense if there is a male-centric need. For example, ensuring domestic abuse services support men as well as women or the local health service runs campaigns about prostate cancer. Quote this law and the Duty at every opportunity when fighting for services and recognition.

The second piece is the Freedom of Information Act 2000 which is more of a tool to use for the above. This act means you can ask public bodies for statistics, information and research (and a whole lot more) to support your cause. We at ManKind, use it to obtain the number of male victims reporting to different police forces each year and also used it to find out who had won funding from the Home Office for male domestic abuse services – and also who didn’t win and why they didn’t.

Just on facts and FOI, the more local the information the better and do not ask for too much detail because your request can be refused for being too costly.

(7)           Do not get dragged into debates about feminism: Another chapter for another book, but there are two reasons why this important. Firstly, you are fighting for something tangible, a service or a campaign, you are not fighting against what is essentially a concept/belief system. Secondly, you will get distracted, getting taken down blind alleys and run the risk of alienating people who could and are allies. Do not be defined by other people’s belief systems, be defined by the fact that you want to support men and boys.

(8)           Support each other: Collaboration between charities supporting men in my mind is weak. It is primarily driven by the fact we are all so underfunded our focus is on survival and service provision (Refuge have recently advertised for a woman-only senior communications manager whose salary is higher than the Mankind Initiative’s annual turnover) but also some is territorial. I don’t understand the latter but we do need to collaborate. A good example is on International Men’s Day, for the second year running I have contacted men’s organisations to see if they will “lend us their logo” so we can say they support the aims of International Men’s Day – only a few have and some significant charities (who will be nameless) have not. Why?

So we need to speak to each other more, form joint campaigns/services and also provide a listening and helpful ear. We are all in it together.

(9)           Reverse the genders: This a classic tactic that must be used shamelessly and one advocated powerfully in Neil Lyndon’s seminal No More Sex War.   Reversing the genders brings out in an understandable fashion the barriers, hypocrisy and discrimination men and boys face and the need for support and services for them – boys dying because of botched circumcisions is one example. Also it can be used in a devastating affect as a campaign tool.

(10)       Keep calm, do not show frustration and do not to be provoked by men-haters: We know we feel we are pushing water uphill and there are those who want us to fail – some for ideological reasons, some because they fear funding being switched and some simply because they don’t like men. Rise above it.

(11)       Never advocate for funding to be cut from women’s services and given to men: This if from a moral and practical perspective. If we believe in equality of support for those in need which is why we are campaigners and service providers, then morally because women do have problems to fix, we shouldn’t want to see funding switched. If you advocate that position, then no matter what you say, no one will be listening and rightly so. It is also always worth setting that context for this upfront – it clears the air and sets a reassuring framework for you to work within.

(12)       Do not sell out – for money, influence or anything: So you get the government or state funding, you start to grow your services, you get comfortable and then an issue breaks or you see that something is not working. Your natural instinct is to speak out on behalf of your beneficiaries but you know it may damage your relationship with your funders. If you hesitate, blink or stay silent – you have sold out. Don’t!

—Picture credit: belljar

Mark Brooks is Chair of The ManKind Initiative, a charity that helps and advocates for male victims of domestic violence. Follow them on twitter @ManKindInit.

You can find all of the #100Voices4Men articles that will be published in the run up to International Men’s Day 2014 by clicking on this link—#100Voices4Men—and follow the discussion on twitter by searching for #100Voices4Men.

The views expressed in these articles are not the views of insideMAN editorial team. Whether you agree with the views expressed in this article or not we invite you to take take part in this important discussion, our only request is that you express yourself in a way that ensures everyone’s voice can be heard.

You can join the #100Voices4Men discussion by commenting below; by following us on Twitter @insideMANmag and Facebook or by emailing insideMANeditor@gmail.com.