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Why is it still shocking for a man to wear a skirt?

by 11 Comments

Jeremy Hutchinson is a man who wears skirts. Here he explains why this simple decision to reject the “right” clothes for men, actually reveals profound questions about how society polices men’s gender roles.

— This is article #47 in our series of #100Voices4Men and boys

For me all the arguments and reasons for why a woman should be allowed to dress in traditionally male styles of clothing, also apply equally to men like me, who want to dress in clothing that’s seen as only being for women. In my view, it is simply freedom of choice.

My wearing a skirt makes me no less a man, just as women who have now embraced “men’s” clothing makes them no less a woman. I’m still a man biologically as they are a woman. As an individual I should be able to dress as I choose, just like everyone else does, and can, without question.

The main barrier is often people’s attitudes and perceptions. It’s almost as if it’s OK for women to change but not for men. But I refuse to bow to the pressure of this double standard. I go to theatres, pubs, restaurants, concerts, even those held at churches. I go to dentists, doctors, opticians, shopping, anywhere except for my work and one of my hobbies fell walking due to practical reasons. I do low level ambles, for example along canal towpaths,  and lakeside, while skirted.

Why do I wear a skirt? I feel happier, contented, relaxed, at ease and far more enthused with life, than when I am told by others what I can and cannot wear and what is expected of me. One of my main-stays of life is character and personality, I am an individual. Clothing is just one way in which I express this individuality.

All our friends and most of our family accept me for who I am, but there are two small groups within both my wife’s and my own families, who have expressed discomfort and intolerance at the way I dress. This is despite the fact that they themselves, including their partners, embrace modern freedoms and expect others to accept whatever they say or do.

I generally find that I am accepted for who I am, but quite a few people do stare or even give negative looks and obvious ‘behind the back’ chatter. Since I have worn skirts in public I have been to social gatherings of friends’ and family, as well as to family formal events like weddings and Blessings. My wife and I have also gained new friends since being skirted in public!

Tradition is regularly quoted when others expect a group or individual to conform but they never use tradition for themselves when it suits their purpose.

As far as I am concerned, a man in a skirt is no different to the modern woman and their adopted and changed dress style. Many within society will shun me for what I do, and the lives of men like me are made doubly harder due to the selfish attitudes of others. But I am just an ordinary civilised human and my life choices are a far cry from those who challenge society in a physical and harmful way. What harm does it do? I can function and survive in this world by my own talents, abilities, logic and hard work. I ask those who would criticise men like me, can you?

“…taboos can change swiftly…” and “…like societies of everywhere, we mock the taboos of others yet fail to see the absurdity of our own…”18th July, 2014 Anne Atkins Thought for the Day – BBC Radio 4.

“In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were to scared to have and the decisions we took too long to make. There comes a time in your life when you realise who matters, who doesn’t, who never did and who always will. So don’t worry about the people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.” Source unknown, on a restaurant wall.

Jeremy writes about his experiences on his blog here

You can find all of the #100Voices4Men articles that will be published in the run up to International Men’s Day 2014 by clicking on this link—#100Voices4Men—and follow the discussion on twitter by searching for #100Voices4Men.

The views expressed in these articles are not necessarily the views of insideMAN editorial team. Whether you agree with the views expressed in this article or not we invite you to take take part in this important discussion, our only request is that you express yourself in a way that ensures everyone’s voice can be heard.

You can join the #100Voices4Men discussion by commenting below; by following us on Twitter @insideMANmag and Facebook or by emailing insideMANeditor@gmail.com. 

 

 

  • Nigel

    Well I say well done you. I know it’s hardly scientific but I think if is actually very significant the “rules” about clothing. Particularly at work. Of course most men, really invisible in our society, wear a uniform of near uniform of “work wear” . Often with logos and always utilitarian with little self expression. Then of course there is ” White collar” workwear. Uniform little different from it’s late Victorian model and again with little room for self expression. And then there is female work wear, well there sort of isn’t. Admittedly some women have to wear uniforms but generally in work women have very much greater freedom , almost pressure.  to express individualism( I recall the sheer horror the day two women appeared in the same M&S dress at my work). 
    Somewhere in all this is that fundamental point that men are  a human doing and women human beings.  As in our language men are ” people”, ” soldier” , worker and so on. But women are always “women ” . 
    Some years ago there was a series of programmes in which minor celebrities were made up and attempt
    to “pass” in social situations as the opposite sex. I have always remembered that two of the women celebrities noted that as “men” they felt invisible . No longer did people “check them out” , or comment or compliment their appearance or even pay attention to their arrival in a pub. For good or ill as women they were anything but taken for granted but as men they found themselves without compliments , comments, ”  looks” or even acknowledgement. Again interesting that being a man is to be so  far in the visual background. 
    It may not be the dress that is the problem, the dress in effect says “look at me, something different. And it seems such self expression is really forbidden from men in our society. 

    • https://www.facebook.com/neofelismale Neo Felis

      I do wear long skirt often and try to match with style to my other clothes and I have almost no negative response. I also absolutely do not care anymore what other people think. I do it totally naturally and people react more positive to that.

  • http://www.theskirtedman.eu Jeremy Hutchinson

    Nigel, I have for years said to my wife that although women have negativity, discrimination and denial of rights from society to deal with but so too do men. Women have a lot of freedom within society as to their individual or group expectations, desires and preferences. She concurs acknowledging that men have many discriminatory expectations placed upon them where many of such expectations upon women by society have been dropped. I have never thought of describing men as being ‘invisible’ within society but having raised that description it really does sum it up in one word. I do not deny, like many men, that women have issues to be raised within society but these days you would think they are the only human beings, the only ones with feelings, emotions, problems, discrimination, sexism, inappropriate language towards them, misogyny never misandry or similar issues towards men. Men as you say and for many within society, are invisible. Even misandry does not appear in spell checkers, misogyny does!

  • Paulo Ribeiro

    Lucky you, Jeremy
    Europe is more open mind, Brazil is differen. I wish I could be totally free, and have courage to face the bad viewers and narrow mind people who may threaten you, even with violence.
    You can’t imagine how people here can be so stupid!
    I not sure if is your country, where people is more educated, or is due less religion influence over person’s life. I mean, here and all latin countries, catholic and evangelistic are the majority, and they have strict rules to what you should wear or do. In this point of view, even in Europe and USA, you are lucky among men, who want to have more freedom and oportunity to express their selves.
    My GF is a easygoing person, but she rather see me in shirt and pants, instead of shorts, tee shirts or even skirt. At beach cities I dear to wear skirts, but just at night.
    Facing the “status quo” here, is a strangle battle. How can we change this situation? We must dress only pants and shirts, or suits. Even at night clubs on hot days it is forbidden to wear shorts. Just women may wear. it’s not fair, women can wear everything.
    Here, even gay men don’t wear skirts, except crossdressers.
    I hope, and I will pursuit it, this may not takes long to change and skirtmen may be accepted as just another way to dress.
    Love and wisdow

    Paulo Ribeiro _ PhD

    Londrina – Paraná – Brazil

  • Steve

    Seems like Paulo has the same issues as we do in Australia with narrow minded views on men having an alternative to what we get.
    In the heat of summer, men will still don the uniform of the corporate ( and corrupt) yet women will wear the flimsiest of materials.
    Companies could easily save vast amounts of money on electricity by embracing men wearing shortsor skirts and short sleeve shirts by not requireing the AC to work so hard.
    The way society has wired the brain, it seems you would be hecled in the street should you defy the laws of male clothing.
    The fashion industry has toyed with mens skirts since the 60’s and i keep wondering who they talk to that stops these designs making it to the stores.
    I love skirts and would definetly wear them out but I guess the idea of what maybe said stops me. I did wear to a party once and the women loved my legs.
    I guess much of the objections could be jealousy.

  • Sinned

    I have come rather late in life to wearing skirts. In fact the only real opposition I have is from My Other Half. She seems to have it fixed in her mind that in wearing a skirt ( and thick tights in winter ) I look like a woman! Ridiculous as everything else I wear is masculine. I have been out and about and not met any negative reaction. Those I talk to about it are understanding and positive about it. In my circles everyone who is important to me knows about my skirts and I have lots of them so that they match tops, shirts and jackets as well as formal and informal situations. There’s nothing sexual about my wanting to wear skirts – my reasons are purely comfort, fashion and taste. I like to wear bright colours which just aren’t there in men’s clothing. Ironically in this MOH agrees to me wearing brightly coloured women’s jeans and trousers and other clothes but a skirt causes major issues. I don’t even want to wear a skirt ALL the time – just to be able to incorporate skirts into the total package that I call my look. Good luck everyone and if you want the support of like-minded men then http://www.skirtcafe.org is one place to go.

  • http://www.theskirtedman.eu Jeremy Hutchinson

    PAULO RIBEIRO: Perhaps a more educated society and less influence on life by religious organisations does help but it is not plain sailing for me. The Church of England and many of it’s followers are very set in their ways in many aspects and dress code for men as opposed to free wear for women within the religious communities here is still one side and discriminatory towards men. Thankfully our religious houses do not set public laws or ways just expectations of their beliefs. This also applies to certain aspects of our society. Anything different or only the minority do are considered not normal. I still have to be careful as to where I would go and not just the areas where many have to think before entering especially women but I certainly would not go out and about in town/cities drinking and the nightlife not that that appeals to me anyway. You will note from my blog that I am a keen DIY person, will take on any aspect of building/home improvement but I would not dare go to builders merchants, plumbing or electrical specialists in a skirt, yet I do to general DIY stores. Even in the UK and the continent you do hear of individuals encountering violence or even death because others do not agree with them and not just because of clothing. Thankfully it is not as prevalent as you say Brazil is and that does make a difference. I am always mindful of my surroundings and do not flaunt what I wear, stare, or act provocatively. I stand tall, being 2m high helps and do not look weak or intimidated. I do from time to time encounter people who will not take me seriously when I’m in a skirt and even look at you in disdain when in a group. I simply ignore them and move on. Many others do not and my life these days only engages with the open minded. I am very mindful that our society unlike what you say about yours allows me to.

    Majority of the public here in the UK and when I go on the continent do not bat an eye but when ever I go out but what they say or think privately I do not know. I suppose your word “lucky” does apply. I will encounter a small minority, and it is certainly less than 1% who will mock, giggle, chatter etc abut me and make it known. The vast majority are always women who embrace a complete freedom of choice in language, behaviour dress and appearance all of which they find men who do the same as being odd. I just smile to myself and think hypocrites, selfish, narrow minded and obviously lack intelligence because they do not look at themselves first. On the whole, thankfully UK and Europe have become a more tolerant and open society. I’m sure Brazil as a whole will.

    I believe in myself, my ethos and rights of an individual, all of which others are allowed to embrace and that gives me the strength to face them. I will acknowledge our society even though it is not perfect on this subject or many other subjects that affect small groups or individuals is not as bad as what you say Brazil is like generally.

    I have had many men contact me and state on the internet that their partners, girl friends do not want their man to change but they themselves embrace full freedom of choice. I suppose I am lucky in that respect as well but I am a big believer in true gender equality and freedom of choice for all provided no physical harm is done. My wife and I would never have got together if we did not share the same ethos, belief in team player and that gender equality applies to both not just one.

    Being in a society that your comment portrays is very difficult and I do not know what the solution is. All I can say is that it will take longer to arrive but arrive it will do. Look at the world and how all areas have changed from decades ago, some much slower but change does happen. The UK wasn’t as open as it is now a few decades ago with society labeling on all very evident but even in that atmosphere a change did happen and that opened doors for others. An open political system helps. I have noted this week on the BBC website that two women have got married in Russia yet Russia politically is anti Gay/Lesbian. A man in a skirt has no bearing at all on Gay/Lesbian so I am not surprised that even the gay community in Brazil do not wear skirts as quite honestly being Gay/Lesbian is being attracted to the same sex and absolutely nothing to do with clothing. I have said this before on Twitter, if a man in a skirt is being Gay then any women in trousers has to be a Lesbian. The logic of society labels and stereotypes is fundamentally flawed especially when it is applied on a one sided basis.

    All the best and I hope you can wear what you want more openly in the future.

  • http://www.theskirtedman.eu Jeremy Hutchinson

    STEVE: Very interested to hear your experience of men in skirts in Australia. Of all the open and free democracy countries I thought Australia was very liberal and open minded. As far as I’m concerned, whats good for the goose is good for the gander. If women have broken the stereotyping and labeling from society on clothing and other aspects of their lives, then the same applies equally to men. You cannot have a true gender equality society when one gender has full freedom of choice yet denies the other. This applies to all aspects of life and choice of clothing is just one.

    Have the confidence to go out in a skirt and ignore the comments. Your society should be the same as ours here in the UK so negativity should be very small unlike Paulo Ribeiro. The more men who do so, the more it will become normal as society only copes with normality when many do something. It is no different to the women in the early days when they first started to wear trousers and then male style clothing.

  • http://www.theskirtedman.eu Jeremy Hutchinson

    SINNED: Comfort, fashion and taste is exactly the point about men in skirts and are the same why women now wear trousers and other male style clothing. It is also freedom of choice, a right many modern women claim.

    I have not been on skirtcafe.org for a while. I should pay another visit.

  • Rob

    I to live in Australia and like my skirts but only would wear them at home until i had a hooker party ( which means ever-one come dressed as hookers). To my amazement most males loved the idea and it helped to brake the barrier and is great fun. We since have had skirted bar-b-que parties in the park with no problems .My wife loves me in skirts the shorter the better. Give that a try and remember to keep your knee’s together

  • richie

    I am from Australia and have worn a skirt out in public a few times and well there is a lot of people that like to stare point u out and laugh at u make it hard when I do and my wife gets annoyed bye it but most of summer I am able to get away with wearing a sarong