Violence against women campaign sending wrong message to boys and girls

An Italian campaign video that aims to make adults think about violence against women by revealing what happens when you ask a boy to slap a girl has gone viral this month, reaching tens of millions of online viewers. But what message does this video send to boys and girls? We asked the psychologist Dr Elizabeth Celi for a view.

I find this video actually disturbing and inappropriate, both personally and as a psychologist. Not to undermine the importance of reducing violence against women, that’s important for sure.

The unethical nature of using kids in a video like this, not only ostracizes young boys who DON’T automatically think that hitting a girl is right ANYWAY, but unethically has adults (both those that scripted it and narrated it) to LEAD the boys in doing behaviours that are poor messages for both young boys and young girls to be left with.

An unknown adult telling a young boy to caress the girl, to touch the girl, who just stands there to receive it, isn’t exactly empowering girls. Was she given the choice to say no to who touches her?

I would’ve thought that’s something we’d want girls to receive messages on, not standing there for a narrator to direct a boy to take an action like that without her involvement. Molesters conduct such behaviours, I’m very sorry to say.

Then the narrator tells him to pull a mean face to her, again she’s to stand there receiving it. I know girls and boys would be very hurt at that meanness by another child who is their world, yet an adult is broadcasting and directing it. All for the sake of leading them up to the “slap her, hard”.

Kids get the wrong message

That is actually just sick for adults to put kids in that position, let alone the responses the boys are scripted to reply or have been endorsed to have been edited into the video, as to why they say no. “Because she’s pretty…” – so kids get the message that if she’s ugly then it’s ok?

Get into the young kids mind who may be watching and trying to fill the gap with confused messages. Kids aren’t developmentally mature enough to gauge the adult messages they’re being told to enact for the broader issue it’s attempting to deal with.

Another answer…”Because she’s a girl…” – so kids get the message that if it’s a boy, it’s ok to hit? I don’t think any parent wants their son or daughter to be hit.

The worst is having a young boy say ” because I am a man..”. What? He’s not a man, he’s a boy and should be left to his own age to learn right from wrong by responsible adults around him, same as a girl not saying she’s a woman and being nurtured to be her age and learn right from wrong.

Using a boy to send a message to a man who may need to hear it, is simply inappropriate. Boys and girls are being drawn into adult dynamics without full understanding, we can’t use kids like this.

You find out more Dr Celi’s work and he books Breaking the Silence and Regular Joe vs Mr Invincible at her website www.drceli.com.au, You can also follow her facebook page www.facebook.com/DifficultRelationships.

Paul Mills

I guess video’s such as this will always been in some ways clumsy – given the limitations of those involved, and respecting youthness of the young and each viewers ability to ‘see’ different things. For me, I was reasonably comfortable with it, recognising that each of the actors were young and experiencing challenging questions and feelings.

However, the question is about the very mixed messages that we give young people. I am reminded of when my , then, 6 six year old protected his vulnerable mate from another childs violence in the playground (his friend has an insulin pump strapped to his stomach – with a permanent line) and was kicked in his stomach. My son shoved the offender away hard and shouted at the top of his voice that kicking was not ok, and then comforted his mate. What followed was a really good illustration of how confused some institutions and their staff have become. The boy who had kicked also has some diagnosed behavioural issues – so was appropriately talked to along the lines of agreed and planned responses to his anti social behaviours – so far so good. The victim was taken to see the school office to check his pump and he were ok – also good. My son, who remember was only 6, and had protected a vulnerable person in the best way he knew how, was taken to the Head and given a warning; apparently he had breached the schools ‘zero tolerance’ policy towards violence by aggressively pushing and shouting at the perpetrator. He was given a warning that any such repeat would result in an exclusion. This policy was not flexible for him, because he did not have a diagnosis of …… . My son came home in tears, we talked and I praised him for protecting his friend, I told him it was all of our jobs to protect the vulnerable, and that sometimes this needed us to be physical against the aggressor – and also if possible it was better to not use violence – and that I was pleased he had pushed rather than hit. The next day when I dropped him at school I reaffirmed the messages I had given him, and that I was proud of him. I exchanged eye contact and a greeting the Head and registered her discomfort – clearly she had also been reflecting; you see it’s all so confusing……., and to beat it all the school topic at that time was the first world war, and , apparently our shooting, bombing and killing was good – because we were ‘the goodies’ ; but the enemies was bad – because they were ‘the baddies’ and lost the war. Go figure!
- Inside MAN
  
  Thanks for sharing that story Paul, really interesting (and touching).
Nigel

I’m clearly missing something as this simply shows Italy has socialised boys into not hitting girls. Clearly an absolute injunction as they didn’t even playfully comply. It is beyond me how anyone can mount an argument that hitting females is “condoned” in Italy or the Anglophone world. Clearly it is an aberrant act.
Janet

This video is calling out for a parody vid….

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